Mar. 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 PM
I've been invited to go indoor skydiving next weekend. I want to go. I've even invited someone to go along with me. A guy.
I am now considering the potential embarrassment of being the only fat person there. And the assortment of humiliating what if's??? Such as...What if I can't fit into one of those jump suits? EEEEVEN one of the jump suits made for a BIG MAN??? Aaahhh! Or...What if....I squeeze in like a sausage...only to find out that the wind tunnel can't lift me up??? Oh noes! Thoughts of hearing them say "Crank it up boys! We've got a fattie!" are running through my head. Or what if it's like that time I went jet skiing and had lots of fun...only to have some jerk take a picture of me looking really unattractive...albeit happy....and the lingering humiliation of realizing that *that was what I looked like?* is what I think about years later...mer. I am probably going anyway. But I am now considering these other things as well. Aww poop.
On a different subject...I haven't heard any news abut Joshua in a while now. It makes me feel so many things: concerned, angry, hurt, sad, disappointed, and also rejected. Kind of like..."hey...yeah I'm going through one of the worst times in my life...theoretically a time when it would be good to have the support and love of my friends, however, I don't count you as one of them or as someone who is *good enough* to be there for me...even though I could really use the support right now. I'd rather be alone than with you. :P" No one's heard from him. He's not answering his phone. He did send me an e-mail saying that he was working on himself. But the last time we spoke we specifically talked about just this type of thing...where he gets depressed or angry or in a funk and ends up taking it out on me by cutting me out, even though I am NOT the cause of his misery. -HE IS! And he said he wouldn't do that again...and yet here we are... What jackassery is this!
Mood:busy
Comments
witty_banter wrote:
Mar. 23rd, 2009 01:41 am
Hon, it's the jackassery that he always resorts to. This is not new, and it's probably not going to end, and you deserve so much better.
Seriously.
So much better.
And as for the first paragraph--BAH!You are NOT a fattie by any means, they will have a perfectly fitting suit, and the wind will whisk you off into the sky without a hitch :)
vanmedi wrote:
Mar. 23rd, 2009 06:28 pm
Thank you! I called today...I think you're right. This is going to be fun!
...and regarding the jackassery...I agree. It would be illogical of me to expect it to stop. There is no compelling reason to believe that it will. And I do deserve better. (I think/ I hope?)
I've been invited to go indoor skydiving next weekend. I want to go. I've even invited someone to go along with me. A guy.
I am now considering the potential embarrassment of being the only fat person there. And the assortment of humiliating what if's??? Such as...What if I can't fit into one of those jump suits? EEEEVEN one of the jump suits made for a BIG MAN??? Aaahhh! Or...What if....I squeeze in like a sausage...only to find out that the wind tunnel can't lift me up??? Oh noes! Thoughts of hearing them say "Crank it up boys! We've got a fattie!" are running through my head. Or what if it's like that time I went jet skiing and had lots of fun...only to have some jerk take a picture of me looking really unattractive...albeit happy....and the lingering humiliation of realizing that *that was what I looked like?* is what I think about years later...mer. I am probably going anyway. But I am now considering these other things as well. Aww poop.
On a different subject...I haven't heard any news abut Joshua in a while now. It makes me feel so many things: concerned, angry, hurt, sad, disappointed, and also rejected. Kind of like..."hey...yeah I'm going through one of the worst times in my life...theoretically a time when it would be good to have the support and love of my friends, however, I don't count you as one of them or as someone who is *good enough* to be there for me...even though I could really use the support right now. I'd rather be alone than with you. :P" No one's heard from him. He's not answering his phone. He did send me an e-mail saying that he was working on himself. But the last time we spoke we specifically talked about just this type of thing...where he gets depressed or angry or in a funk and ends up taking it out on me by cutting me out, even though I am NOT the cause of his misery. -HE IS! And he said he wouldn't do that again...and yet here we are... What jackassery is this!
Mood:busy
Comments
witty_banter wrote:
Mar. 23rd, 2009 01:41 am
Hon, it's the jackassery that he always resorts to. This is not new, and it's probably not going to end, and you deserve so much better.
Seriously.
So much better.
And as for the first paragraph--BAH!You are NOT a fattie by any means, they will have a perfectly fitting suit, and the wind will whisk you off into the sky without a hitch :)
vanmedi wrote:
Mar. 23rd, 2009 06:28 pm
Thank you! I called today...I think you're right. This is going to be fun!
...and regarding the jackassery...I agree. It would be illogical of me to expect it to stop. There is no compelling reason to believe that it will. And I do deserve better. (I think/ I hope?)
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