Life Lessons on Handling Criticism

"To escape criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." 

~Elbert Hubbard

What I know to be true...

That when you're too concerned with making a good impression, you almost never shine your true light. But rather, the act of being overly-concerned about other people's opinions, actually diminishes your light, and the clarity of one's thoughts and message becomes diluted in a people-pleasing-sea-of-nothingness. It is what I think of, when I think of the thin-plastic veneer...the cheap facade of the businesses world today.

That not everyone is going to like you. -And who cares! It is not your business to make everyone like you. It is your business to be clear, honest, and authentic. To take into account other people's feeling and to be fair and kind. But to always be *yourself*. As André Gide said: "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."

That the world is filled with critics and people who will tell you how to do what you're doing better. That's not necessarily a bad thing. The true art of improvement begins with the ability to filter criticism and extract the *valuable* data, while leaving the *baloney* behind. Remember that you are a work in progress, and the limits of what you achieve are only set by yourself.

That *everyone* has a talent. Several talents actually...

That everyone faces obstacles in the course of their lives...and to just persevere and push forth.

That great leaders do not discourage, intimidate, or chastise; but rather teach, build, encourage, and inspire. The mark of a great leader, is the legacy of happiness, confidence, and flourishing growth that they've inspired in others. -The leaders that they've produced. In my many years, I've worked for great leaders and weak leaders. The best examples of leadership were those, who cheered on their worker's and encouraged them to develop in the direction of their dreams and personal goals; even if it meant, eventually, that employee would move on to a different company or position. Great leaders can share in your joy and growth, and welcome it whole-heartedly.

Your happiness will always be worth the struggle it takes to achieve it.

Overcome This

November 30th, 2009; 4:12 PM

Get a hold of your fear. Get a hold of your pain. Learn to master it. You must control it or it will control you. Learn to be calm and focused. Learn to be stony-solid. You will see. You will learn that the pain can come and go swiftly. It can be placated by your mind so swiftly that it will amaze you how such deep and sorrowful pain could vanish in a whisper.

Sifting through my mothers room, moving objects long forgotten and covered in dust. I came upon a chair. In it, sat a beautiful black and white photograph of my mother. Fresh. Ravissante. Youthful. 

This was a picture of her that used to hang on my grandfathers wall. It had an article that went with it. I can't remember the artist. But someone of the time, someone of importance -a man, had “found his muse”. -My mother. She was inspiring. Filled with not only beauty but contagious enthusiasm. I always knew that my mother was beautiful. Just as I had always known that I came no where near her beauty. I had her laugh though. People who had never met me before knew that I was her daughter just from hearing me laugh. They would approach me in all sorts of random places. Once, a woman even emerged from a public bathroom stall and asked me if I knew Vivian? “You must be her daughter! You laugh just like her.” Somehow it made me feel good that some part of her wonderfulness was a part of me.  

I Wish I Felt Safe

• Aug. 10th, 2009 at 6:48 AM

I'm not feeling well mentally and emotionally. I woke up stressed out today. And I felt like I truly needed to take some time off of work just to be home and get it together. Perhaps go see my doctor and get my anti-anxiety medication altered. But then I thought about all of the stuff at work that needed to get done, and how I don't want to be considered *flaky* or *unreliable* and I decided that I *had to* go in today. I looked around at my life and realized that I was no longer a kid. There was no one there to shelter me or protect me when I felt broken and vulnerable. When I was younger, it would have been my mom. I could have let it all fall apart and she would be there for me. She would say something like "You are the most important thing here. They will understand. Call in, take some time off, and go see your doctor. It will all be alright, you'll see." And it would. I would feel better just knowing that she was there. But now, I feel like I have to suck it up and push through it because I need my job. I need to provide stability for my family. And when I have time, I can fall to pieces. So I better get through the work week and do it on my own time on the weekend. I hate feeling like this. I wish I had one week off of work to sleep and be depressed. To hibernate in my bed and forget all of my stress. To cuddle up with my mom in her bed and just pretend that she is well. I wish I had another week after that to clean my house and get my life in order after I recharge my battery with a week of hibernation. So far, it looks like I have an hour before work, and I need to spend half of that time with my mother. I can do this. I need to do this. I am calling my doctor.

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Waiting For The Repairman

April 22nd, 2009; 1:40 PM

Current mood:calm

"Suck it up." -That seems to be a big life lesson.
After being stood up one day, I am now finally getting the washing machine fixed. (Whew) I could die of mortification...but I've chosen not to. Thank god for the 60 pack of terry cloth towels I bought from Costco. They've been seeing us though this "trying time". The $600 part is about to be replaced (knock on wood)...the repair guy is going back to headquarters to retrieve it. And has promised me that he will be back TODAY to fix it. In the mean while, I'm cleaning. I've thrown away two bags of trash already, and a bag or two of recyclables. I've decided to give up on my stash of Christmas wrapping, ribbons, boxes, and bags...I'm recycling most of it. It feels good to just clear it out. Mom is resting in her room. The dog is chilling out in the yard. And I am happily munching my lunch as I write this. I have no idea where my towels are? Probably buried under the pile of unwashed laundry that has amassed next to the broken front-loader. After I finish washing my mom's bedding, I'll get to the towels. I spoke with a doctor today about La Suprema. Her regular physician was out, a sub called back and told me that the incontinence is most likely related to her recent infusion, and should wane. (THANK GOD!) Today, she made it to the toilet in time. Which is pretty good. Last night she wasn't so lucky. All in all, things keep going. We keep doing the best we can. (THE REPAIR GUY JUST CAME BACK! YAY!) I feel good already.
I remember reading a book years ago on how to make peace. it explored some of the reasons that conflict initially arises, and one of them has to do with self-esteem. It asserted that when we lack self-esteem, we are more easily affected, hurt, and angered by external circumstances. That a person with self-esteem would not take to heart another persons anger, rejection, etc. And that the best way to build self-esteem is to do actions that we would feel proud of. One of the things that I feel really good about is how I've been with my mom. When she's embarassed or scared, I just soothe her and encourage her, and let her know that it's no big deal. I make sure she knows that she is loved and valued. That she is safe and cared for, and that everything is going to be all right. It's not like my mom and I had any major peace-building to do...but it still makes me feel good, that she feels good, and that I am doing something in my life that is right. (Repair guy had to go back to Sears for a part...Wish me luck!)

Millie

March 19th, 2009; 6:30 PM


I went over to Millie's today after work. I thought I'd just pop in and say hi. I hadn't seen her an a while, and I always love getting a hug and hello from her. Her son answered the door. He doesn't talk very much. I thought I heard a noise coming from the back, and that paired with his blank stare and silence...to me was totally misunderstood. I *thought* he was trying to say *she's in back*...nope. I was wrong. She moved a week ago to a care facility. I was seriously shocked and also sad. I get it. I really do. I just also always thought that Millie would be there in her house. I love Millie like family. And I was surprised by this. Big time. Her son gave me her new phone number and address. He talked about trying to find a caregiver for her so that she could come back to her house. (I REALLY hope this happens soon!) Millie is a big reason that I love where I live. She makes this neighborhood great. We used to take walks, or go to Community Market together. We used to even walk down to the pub and have dinner and a pint. I really don't like this change. I came home and gave her a call right away. She didn't sound happy to be there. She said that it was breaking her heart to be away from her home. We made plans to see eachother tomorrow after I get off work. I hope she comes home soon. She was the only friend my mom had, who she saw regularly. My mom's been too weak to go visit in the past weeks...But I'm sure when she gets better, she's going to want to walk across the street and go visit Millie. Only she won't be there anymore. This situation is making me cry. Phooey!

Donkey Ball Christmas

December 22nd, 2008; 12:22 AM

Current mood:bummed

Bad news about Christmas. I'm bummed but I'm also determined to turn it around. I'm trying to handle it well. I want to bring it with a good attitude...but part of me feels like just saying "You suck donkey balls...Later. I'm outta here!" and then going off and doing my own thing. -Any way you cut it I'm doing my own thing. This year...I'm making rack of lamb, and creme brulee. No ham. No turkey. Meh. Whateve. I guess what hurts me is finding out so last minure that "We were thinking about not doing Christmas this year." ...Yeah...You suck donkey balls.