Day Seven of the juice fast

I could hear a strange grinding coming from the kitchen. My normally powerful juicer sounded like it was going toe to toe with a tree stump. 

"Are you breaking my juicer?" I could hear the motor grinding in the other room.

"WHAAAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU." [he shuts off the motor] It's all right. Don't worry.

a few minutes later the Cute Boy enters the room bringing me my juice. "How is it?" he asks.

"Ugh. It's bitter. What was that noise in there?"

"Oh some of those pears you bought were really hard and were getting caught in the juicer."

"Pears??? I don't think I bought any pears?"

The Cute Boy goes into the kitchen and emerges once again holding a small, hard, unripe mango. And that would explain why this morning's juice is horribly bitter. I decide to roll with it. I'm going to just drink it quickly and wash it down with some water. On the plus side, it has instantly killed any and all cravings I've had for other things. I love my Cute Boy. He may not know much about produce, but he's learning, and he is so loving and sweet to me, I find myself laughing with him and enjoying the ride daily. Anyhoo... back to juicing. The green mango made the juice today extremely bitter and I'll just say it...was the kind of fiber that kept me running to the bathroom several times today. So noted. Check. No more green mangoes...unless you're constipated. 

For much of today, my cravings were at bay. They really came up when I took a walk past some restaurants around dinner time. OMG. BIG MISTAKE. I made it home to find one of the menfolk chowing down on a large sandwich...the scent of roasted meat wafted up to me and tickled my tummy. I drooled over his sandwich and headed to the juice machine. I brought out my arsenal of fruits and veggies, and took a look at my composition before I juiced it. It was beautiful. Such a large array of colors! I juiced them together and poured my green juice into my glass. It tasted fresh, and made me think of being on vacation in a tropical place. After just a few sips, I was back in control. I'm realizing that I'm going too far between juices. If I juice regularly I don't get hungry and want to binge on...EVERYTHING. But if I go too long (more than 4 hours) then I feel tempted by things that I can handle otherwise. I was actually hungry when this happened and it was the only big craving that I had today. I'm  wondering if I increase the number of juices that I make will the cravings diminish even more? (I think so...so I'm going to try that tomorrow.) 

Things I learned today:

1. Never ever juice an un-ripe mango. Period. 
2. It's better to err on the side of having too many juices then not enough. Keeping your body fed and satisfied really helps diminish cravings and helps you stay on track. 
3. All of the times that my Grandpa smiled warmly and ate our bad food or drank our bad coffee...and then thanked us and told us how good it was...and encouraged us to keep cooking...leading to our *eventual* culinary skill. -He did that because he loved us BIGTIME. And I'm glad that he taught me that skill. Not every juice that we've made so far have been "good". I've made a few, where the Cute Boy smiled and told me how good it was. And when he made me the green mango juice today, I had to do the same. 

Overcome This

November 30th, 2009; 4:12 PM

Get a hold of your fear. Get a hold of your pain. Learn to master it. You must control it or it will control you. Learn to be calm and focused. Learn to be stony-solid. You will see. You will learn that the pain can come and go swiftly. It can be placated by your mind so swiftly that it will amaze you how such deep and sorrowful pain could vanish in a whisper.

Sifting through my mothers room, moving objects long forgotten and covered in dust. I came upon a chair. In it, sat a beautiful black and white photograph of my mother. Fresh. Ravissante. Youthful. 

This was a picture of her that used to hang on my grandfathers wall. It had an article that went with it. I can't remember the artist. But someone of the time, someone of importance -a man, had “found his muse”. -My mother. She was inspiring. Filled with not only beauty but contagious enthusiasm. I always knew that my mother was beautiful. Just as I had always known that I came no where near her beauty. I had her laugh though. People who had never met me before knew that I was her daughter just from hearing me laugh. They would approach me in all sorts of random places. Once, a woman even emerged from a public bathroom stall and asked me if I knew Vivian? “You must be her daughter! You laugh just like her.” Somehow it made me feel good that some part of her wonderfulness was a part of me.  

Eight Winds A Blowin'

May 9th, 2009; 4:51 PM

Come blow through my heart -winds of change.

Come take away sorrow, and take away pain.

I am optimistic, hard working, and determined. On top of that, I am also very intelligent. I will make it through all of this. I know I will. I am going to rise, no matter what.

Dig It!

December 31st, 2008; 4:40 PM

Current mood:blissful

To lead a life in which we are inspired and can inspire others, our hearts have to be alive; they have to be filled with passion and enthusiasm. To achieve that, as President Toda also said, we need the courage to "live true to ourselves." And to live true to ourselves, we need the strength of mind not to be swayed by our environment or be obsessed with vanity and superficial appearances. Rather than borrowing from or imitating others, we need the conviction to be able to think for ourselves and to take action from our own sense of responsibility.

~Daisaku Ikeda