*blackbird*: Omar

Friday, May 6, 2011

A letter to my best friend. –I miss you more than words can describe.

April 18th, 2007; 4:38 PM

Current mood:grateful

So I was just on your space and I realized that not only were you my best friend...you were everybody's best friend. So many people loved you. Including me. Especially me! I was reading something Sarabecca wrote about you, and I realized that there are times in your life, when you will meet people...who will touch you so deeply. Irregardless of how long ...or short, the duration of your acquaintance, or friendship, or love; that your soul resonates with theirs. -That you feel a deep and undeniable kinship and affinity with them. It is probably why people believe in things like past lives and reincarnation. How else can you explain such intimacy and instant camaraderie? -Something so deep that it would take a lifetime or two to create? (I'm sure you'd have an answer for that...and I'm sure it would be deep and profound...just like you!) It has been a little over a year now...and I still owe your mother that letter. I told her that I would write her a letter about you...and it's so hard. I loved you so much. And this year has been unbearably cold and difficult without you. I miss you. I miss everything about you. Your *Cheshire grin*, the way you sounded like a cowboy on your answering machine. Reading poetry to me...and seeing movies together. I miss our long talks and hugs. I miss seeing you when things were hard and how you always loved me. Always was in my corner. Always had something great to say about it. You were the best friend I've ever had. And I miss you terribly. Oh...and we had so much fun together. No matter where we were...we were having fun together. I guess I'll see you next life time. Or in some unexpected time and place here. Perhaps you've already been reborn? That's a funny thought...that you could be already here on this planet as a baby. -A very sweet baby. I hope your parents love you…as you are the most deserving of love that I have ever known.

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This blog was written about Guy (my best friend)...he died last year in an accident. He was one of the best quality friends that I have ever had. And I was/am grateful to have known him.

04:38 PM

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- omar
  I can hardly imagine a friendlier person. He is good. Nothing could take his place. I will probably meet another person like guy. I liked his unique humor. How his laughter built up. It's amazing how I failed to really grasp the greatness of such small kind things as they happened. I'm sure the world would have been in for such a pleasant surprise if he was still alive in the same body. It's a pity that I wasn't killed and he is still living, but who knows the mysterious forces behind the world we see.
  
  I wonder if guy is in heaven right now on some different plane of existence looking at me and laughing at how long I am taking to try to think of something to say right here. Maybe he'd tell me it's silly to spend so much time thinking about this stuff and that I should just go to bed. Maybe he'd be right, but that's just me talking.

You never know what people are thinking about you

April 5th, 2007; 4:48 PM

Current mood:energetic

I was working out in the gym the other day, feeling a little bit like a goob because I was carrying around my workout journal. It keeps track of my weights, reps, sets, goals, intensity level, and other good stuff. I get that it's a good tool for keeping focused, and being accountable. But I hate walking around the gym with it. I never see anyone else with one, except for the occasional trainer who is following around their client writing down info for them. Anyhoo. I got over my embarrassment, and was in the locker room after my weight training session, writing down notes on how it went and which weights felt like a 10 (maximum intensity level) an which weights could be increased; when this really nice girl walked up to me. We had talked a bit in the weight room. She asked me about the book and when I told her what it was she immediately lit up and said "I did that in college! I lost 20 pounds! And I'm doing it now! I wanted to come up and talk to you in the gym but I didn't want to come on too strong!" We started to talk and then two other women approached me and asked about the book. They had all been watching me in the weight room. I totally noticed. But this was a great lesson for me in life. I felt like a goob, so when I noticed people watching me, I thought they were thinking I was a goob. But in actuality, they were watching me in admiration. Wo ho! No way! Waaaay. I really have to hold on to this lesson because all too often, when I imagine what other people are thinking about me, it is always a mean and critical voice that pops up. And I really need to check my info and update it regularly…because who knows, that person might be thinking something nice.

….ooooh and get this. I'm a Buddhist, and every year I write down 100 determinations (they're like goals for the non-Buddhists out there), and this year #66 was to run in a 10K, and #67 was to run a half-marathon (13.1 miles). I ran in my first race last year with my mom. We did a 5K in November. When I did it, it was the max limit of what I could run, but now I could run it every day and often times do. We set the goal of running it kind of as a joke, but really as a goal to inspire us. My mom was really sick last summer and almost died. She was in the hospital for 3 months and during that time, lost the ability to walk. She had to relearn how to walk, talk, think, and speak. For a long time nobody seemed to think that she was going to make it. She is still diagnosed as terminal. Anyhoo. It became our running joke that "we were in training for the race." For my mom who was just learning how to do things like stand and shuffle, that was her training. Trips to the bathroom were her version of running a marathon. When we did the race, she was in a wheelchair and I jogged with her. But I digress…The girl, Liz that I met at the gym is in a women's running group. They're training for a half-marathon coming up at the end of this summer. I'm joining their group and doing it! She said it's a good course for your first time out because it's a lot of gentle rolling hills. She said you need that for a half-marathon. It's a lot easier than just a flat course because that requires consistent effort, and with the hills –yeah, you have to struggle up them but! Then you get to coast downhill for a while, and you get a break. So…how cool is that! I actually have a group of people to run with now! And it looks like I'm actually going to accomplish 2 of my determinations. Yay!

Innocence is a fair trade for wisdom.

March 17th, 2007; 5:58 PM

Current mood:contemplative

We have lost our innocence with one another.

Is it ever possible to regain it once lost?

-No.

Innocence once lost is gone forever.

But wisdom can grow in its place. –And perhaps compassion.

So although we may never regain our innocence once lost,

Our destinies are not tied to hatred.

We do not have to be enemies.

Peace is within the realm of our thoughts and actions.

Our deeds will determine our character and our future.

Peace and wisdom are hard earned,

But worthy of pursuit.