Showing posts with label dealing with hard stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dealing with hard stuff. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Legacy of Mothers


Monday, October 18, 2010 at 2:53am


Up in the middle of the night with insomnia. Haunted by sadness and loss. I found myself watching the one channel that I could stand. PBS. A documentary came on about an elephant named Echo. A great matriarch who had died. The narrative that went along with the documentary was so well written. So poignant, that it made me think of my own mother. Made me think of my own loss. Made me think of how now was the time for me to demonstrate my knowledge of the lessons that my mother had spent an entire lifetime trying to impart to me. Holding a space for my own greatness. My mother loved me immensely.  

What is the legacy that Echo was passing on? To her own family? And to the people who loved her?At her death from old age at 65, will Echo's immense experience gained by her forebears over centuries, be lost to her family?...The final test of a matriarch, is *how well* she passes on that knowledge. Her family has lost a strong leader and a wise mother. What lasting gifts has she given her children? Will they remember her lessons? The glands at their temples stream with emotion. Echo guided this family for almost half a century...Now they face their greatest challenge -without her.

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Hot Night

Monday, September 6, 2010 at 9:49pm



Tonight has been particularly hard. It's a hot night. As a child, these were the kinds of nights that I would look forward to; evenings that were so warm that you could comfortably take a blanket out on the back deck and fall asleep while gazing at the heavens above. I used to lose count watching all of the meteor showers and shooting stars. I can hear the crickets tonight. It's been a while since I've noticed them, although I'm sure they've been there. I was just preoccupied with other things. I keep thinking that it's hot. And what I'm used to doing (what I still feel compelled to do but stop myself from doing) is making sure that my mom is ok. I keep wanting to go into her room and open up the sliding glass door. Pull back her curtain so that she can look up at the stars and moon. ...Hear the crickets...feel the cool refreshing air from the evening. I want to get a washcloth and run it under the cold tap, wring it out, and bring it to her. Put it on her forehead and the back of her neck. Kiss her forehead. Tell her I love her, and that everything is going to be ok. I want to hear her giggle when I tell her that "she's the bee's Knees and the cat's pajamas." I want to hear her say 'I love you.' I want to say it back to her in return. I want to crawl in next to her and smooth her hair. And talk to her about nothing. I want to smile with her and laugh with her. I want to just breathe with her.


I can't believe she's not here.


The lump in my throat just hurts.


I just miss her so. So much it hurts.


The world is just not the same.


I am just not the same.




    • Jenn Knight hugs hugs hugs.

      And I know - sometimes you just need your mom. Nothing else will do.
      September 6, 2010 at 10:00pm · 
    • Vanessa Medina completely
      September 6, 2010 at 10:03pm · 
    • Hank Bustos If i was there we'd totaly set up camp in on the deck!
      September 6, 2010 at 11:41pm ·  ·  1 person
    • Becky Sanchez I want you to know that our home is always open to you and when ever you just need to escape your more than welcome here in Houston. Loev you cousin!!!
      September 7, 2010 at 12:47pm · 
    • Kendra Cecil Olmos beautiful
      September 7, 2010 at 4:19pm · 
    • Leslie LCreezy Crebassa 
      What Jenn said.
      Also, you have patterns and behaviors that you modified in order to be the most excellent daughter you were in taking care of your mother. It will take a while to figure out what life without that role is and what it means to you.
      And yes, you are not the same. You will never be the same, but you can be happy and healthy again in time. There are things that happen in each of our lives that change us irreversibly.
      I love you. Hour by hour and day by day, you'll deal as you can and we'll be here with you every step of the way.
      September 7, 2010 at 4:39pm ·  ·  2 people



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(La Suprema's) Funeral and Wake

Time
Saturday, August 28, 2010 · 2:30pm - 8:30pm

Location
Saint Rose Catholic Church
398 10th Street
Santa Rosa, CA

More Info
As you all know, my mother, La Suprema has passed on. I spoke with her about this day before she died. And she wanted her funeral to be a celebration of her life. I intend to honor her wishes. Everyone is invited. It doesn't even matter if you knew her or not. If you are a friend of the family and simply wish to lend your support and love in this trying time, that kind of positivity and energy will be welcomed and embraced. I am sure that is what my mother would have wanted. So please come, and bring the love. Help me lift her up with a celebration filled with love and laughter, tears and comfort, compassion and kindness. 

I am asking people to bring photographs of her to place in a book. If you do not wish to part with the original, then please make me a copy. 

Also, please come prepared to share a brief story about my mother. I know that I am not the only person who loved her and felt a special connection with her. As part of this day, I want to have a chance to connect with you all, and hear about my mom. It can be something that you loved about her, how you met, or anything really. If you know her only through me, you are still invited to share your wisdom and love. I want to give everyone a chance to share something wonderful of themselves this day. And don't worry about stage fright...we all get it...and know that somewhere in heaven my mom will be watching and listening, and rooting us all on in turn. 

After the funeral, we will be having the wake at the Sheffer Residence. They have been generous enough to offer up their space. If you would like to bring food please do so. A maindish will be provided, so preferably bring drinks or dessert. But once again, anything would be greatly appreciated. You can drop it off at their home before or after the funeral.

If by chance you cannot attend but would like to send a card, flowers, or photos and a story aobut my mom, please do.

And once again...thanks for all of the love, positive energy, and support. 

Much Love,
Vanessa


  • Charity Saneholtz added 5 new photos to the album (La Suprema's) Funeral and Wake.


    August 28, 2010 at 10:40pm

  • Oshyan Greene
    Vanessa, I'm saddened by your loss. I know what a long struggle this has been. I hope the celebration today was beautiful and joyful. There is no better way to honor the life of a loved one.

  • Jose Luis Oropeza
    Dear Cousin Vanessa, Know that I love you and I have you in my prayers today. I first met your Mom Vivian when she visited Venezuela in the 70s, full with energy, smiles and open heart. Loved music, singing and going places. Be blessed abundantly. Jose Luis (Coco )

  • Susan McKinley Ross
    Vanessa, I'm so sorry about your loss. I can't be there for the celebration of your Mom, but you will continue to be in my prayers. Take good care of yourself.

  • Cynthia Medina
    My beautiful cousin. I still remember you as a little girl. I remember your mom too and her great big smile. My love and prayers are with you. Even though we didnt grow up together I want you to know you are loved and thought of often!

  • Mari Connolly
    I am so sorry...Chris and I are praying for you, your mother and family. We wish you the best celebration in your mothers memory and are able to rejoice her new found freedom and wonderful new life!

  • Ruth Ramus
    my thoughst are with you

  • Mark Christian Medina
    I love you very much cousin, and I wish I could be there to share in the celebration of Aunt Viv's life. I'll be thinking of you both.

  • Skye Segale
    Sorry we can't be there, but you're in our thoughts.

    Hugs,
    Colleen & Matt

  • William Crebassa
    So sorry I can not make it! My best wishes for you and your family!

  • Perian Sully
    Awwwww! I only just saw this. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I know how close you were and I'm sure she's so proud of you for who you've become.

  • Matt Farnsworth
    I won't be able to make it down, but my thoughts and energy will be sent your way. Much love to you, sweetie. ♥ ♥ ♥

  • Debbie Byrne
    Vanessa, I am so sorry I won't be able to attend. We have a family event in San Francisco and the timing doesn't permit. Having lost my dad just a month ago I have an idea of the emotions you must be going through. Your devotion to your mom was so evident, and I hope you find comfort in knowing that you honored her so well during her lifetime. I will be thinking of you on Saturday.

  • Courtenay Murphy G
    I'm so sorry, we can't make it. :-( Sending our love your way sweety. xoxo

  • Nancy Arata
    Sorry about your mom. I won't be attending cuz I'll be doing birthday stuff with Jodi and Krista. You will be in our thoughts.
    August 25, 2010 at 8:22pm ·  · 






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