May 9th, 2009; 8:03 PM
Good day went to bad day. This morning, she seemed so clear. It was a good day. So I made a flurry of phone calls to her friends so that they could talk with her. With each person, I saw her eyes light up. She was so happy. And then, this afternoon, she collapsed. I couldn't hold her up. She couldn't even hold her head up. She just kept telling me “I feel sick. I don't feel good. I'm afraid.” Her jaw went slack. It was that same thing, that I had seen before in the beginning. It looks like a stroke, but it's not a stroke. It's developing lesions. And at that moment, something had just happened in her brain. Some connection that was there before, was obliterated. The road through her Tioga pass was blocked. I was afraid she was going to die right there in my arms. “Please help me.” -She just keeps saying that. And I'm trying to. But I can't. I can't stop this from happening. I can't make any sort of a difference. And it hurts so bad. My heart is so broken. I had to pick her up, and drag her to her bed. And then pick her up again to put her Depends on. I thought this weekend would be nice. Relaxing. Good. But it didn't turn out that way. I need:
Good day went to bad day. This morning, she seemed so clear. It was a good day. So I made a flurry of phone calls to her friends so that they could talk with her. With each person, I saw her eyes light up. She was so happy. And then, this afternoon, she collapsed. I couldn't hold her up. She couldn't even hold her head up. She just kept telling me “I feel sick. I don't feel good. I'm afraid.” Her jaw went slack. It was that same thing, that I had seen before in the beginning. It looks like a stroke, but it's not a stroke. It's developing lesions. And at that moment, something had just happened in her brain. Some connection that was there before, was obliterated. The road through her Tioga pass was blocked. I was afraid she was going to die right there in my arms. “Please help me.” -She just keeps saying that. And I'm trying to. But I can't. I can't stop this from happening. I can't make any sort of a difference. And it hurts so bad. My heart is so broken. I had to pick her up, and drag her to her bed. And then pick her up again to put her Depends on. I thought this weekend would be nice. Relaxing. Good. But it didn't turn out that way. I need:
A miracle cure
If not that...a case of Depends...because we're almost out -AGAIN!
An extra set of sheets for her bed
A functional wheelchair
Dinner
A friend
Love
Sleep
To relax
To laugh
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