Aug. 12th, 2009


7:59 PM


Got out of the house. Met up with Sasha and two of her friends at the Wednesday night market. I honestly don't like her two friends, but shrugged it off because I needed to get out and socialize. I wanted to be with people and feel alive. Sasha asked me quietly when Cat and Stephen were getting a deep fried twinkie if I was ok? I smiled and shrugged. Indicating that I was so-so. She knew I wasn't ok. and asked what was up. I didn't want to talk about it because it was the whole reason I was getting out of the house in the first place. Then she told me that she had seen Joshua. She and her boyfriend ran into him at Oliver's. She said it was about two weeks ago. It must have been when he first came into town. I shrugged it off and tried to focus on being at the market. But I just felt like I was about to cry. I didn't want to. So I looked at a few booths trying to shrug off that feeling, but it kept coming up again and again for me. I would push it down, and it would come back up. Finally I just told Sash that I was taking off and hugged her goodbye. I made it all the way back to my car, and almost home before I began to cry at a stoplight. I hate that. I was crying as I came into the house. I washed off a fresh peach and gave it to my mother and gave her some fresh raspberries, and then told her that I needed a moment to myself in my bedroom but that I was going to be allright. I feel horrid. I don't know how to fix this. I am so sad and broken feeling right now. All that I want is for him to be here. I really love him.
Groups:Inner Circle Peeps