The First Time I've Dreamed Of Him Since...

Aug. 20th, 2009 at 7:38 AM

Last night was the first time that I had dreamed of him since the break up. In my dream he was fat again. Slovenly. Whiskers growing out. Not quite a beard. In my dream he broke up with me again. It was another ambush. Another surprise. This time I got to meet Alison. She was a child. She looked like a 13 year old boy. Awkward. She had short hair, but it was not stylish like mine. And as it turns out, she was not "stupid" as Joshua had told me, just young and unformed. She didn't have a stand alone spirit yet. She was ignorant, but could obviously (to me at least, if not to him) be taught. Her unformed personality, and tendency to follow and cower however is what he liked about her. It allowed him to mold her and manipulate her easily. Unlike me. I was too much of a challenge. Would speak up against his abuse too much. In my dream I wasn't sad about the loss of the relationship. I didn't mourn it as I did in real life. But I was angry at how he pretended to others that I was a bad person. That I somehow deserved to be treated the way he treated me. In my dream however, I had lost my respect for him...which allowed me to see right through him, and not care about him anymore. I did however feel sorry for the next girl. I did wish that I could somehow free Alison and let her grow up into a beautiful woman who could think, argue, stand alone, and choose for herself.
Groups:Inner Circle Peeps


Comments



kitty8fish wrote:
Aug. 21st, 2009 08:57 pm 
you are such a beautiful, kind and loving person. this dream seems full of messages.





vanmedi wrote:
Aug. 22nd, 2009 10:27 am 
Thanks. Yeah. This dream was really vivid for me. I can't believe how much I remembered from it, even days later. I usually forget my dreams pretty easily. But this one really stuck with me. Meh. I guess I'm still processing.