September 14th, 2009; 10:52 PM
Current mood:blessed
I live like a girl with amnesia. ...I forget everything. I let the past wash over me and drift away, far, far out to sea and let it sink into the murky depths of mystery, forever to be forgotten. It's funny. I hold a place in peoples lives that is a strange one. I am beloved. I know that. People do generally like me. And I find myself constantly surprised by how people interpret my life. What *they* think *I* am experiencing vs. what *I* am actually experiencing. -They're very different. I have a friend at work that I chat with most mornings. We both look forward to it. I am going around loading up all of the machines with paper and warming up the printers for the day, and he is doing work on one of the computers...we talk about everything. Nationalized healthcare, horses, daughters, the Middle East, Hugo Chavez, and of course my mother. It was funny one day, I said something about "I'm usually doing really well." and he actually said "no you're not" to which I was obviously very off put. He then expanded that my life is really hard and that taking care of my mother must be very difficult, and then I agreed but pointed out that external circumstances like that just are, but they have very little to do with how I am on the inside. Happiness is a choice. And my mother is one of my greatest treasures. I am so lucky to have her. I love her and look forward to seeing her every day. That kind of love and consistency is actually a rare gift. And I am lucky to have it.
It's funny, I find people coming to talk to me when things get quiet. They want to share their lives with me. And tell me their stories. They ask me about my mother, and how I do what I do and stay so happy. (Amnesia is the key -I never say this of course...but it is. You just let it wash over you and let it go. Pain is temporary. Love is stronger than death.) I have a strange place in their lives. I am like the good little sister or daughter that they want to protect. I am someone that they want life answers from. Secrets which I don't really have. The secrets are all pretty simple. Do the best you can. Love. Forgive (yourself mainly). And just keep going no matter what comes your way. ...And never miss an opp to say I love you and get a hug. Hugs really are the best. Well that and eskimo kisses.
Current mood:blessed
I live like a girl with amnesia. ...I forget everything. I let the past wash over me and drift away, far, far out to sea and let it sink into the murky depths of mystery, forever to be forgotten. It's funny. I hold a place in peoples lives that is a strange one. I am beloved. I know that. People do generally like me. And I find myself constantly surprised by how people interpret my life. What *they* think *I* am experiencing vs. what *I* am actually experiencing. -They're very different. I have a friend at work that I chat with most mornings. We both look forward to it. I am going around loading up all of the machines with paper and warming up the printers for the day, and he is doing work on one of the computers...we talk about everything. Nationalized healthcare, horses, daughters, the Middle East, Hugo Chavez, and of course my mother. It was funny one day, I said something about "I'm usually doing really well." and he actually said "no you're not" to which I was obviously very off put. He then expanded that my life is really hard and that taking care of my mother must be very difficult, and then I agreed but pointed out that external circumstances like that just are, but they have very little to do with how I am on the inside. Happiness is a choice. And my mother is one of my greatest treasures. I am so lucky to have her. I love her and look forward to seeing her every day. That kind of love and consistency is actually a rare gift. And I am lucky to have it.
It's funny, I find people coming to talk to me when things get quiet. They want to share their lives with me. And tell me their stories. They ask me about my mother, and how I do what I do and stay so happy. (Amnesia is the key -I never say this of course...but it is. You just let it wash over you and let it go. Pain is temporary. Love is stronger than death.) I have a strange place in their lives. I am like the good little sister or daughter that they want to protect. I am someone that they want life answers from. Secrets which I don't really have. The secrets are all pretty simple. Do the best you can. Love. Forgive (yourself mainly). And just keep going no matter what comes your way. ...And never miss an opp to say I love you and get a hug. Hugs really are the best. Well that and eskimo kisses.
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