Aug. 14th, 2009
2:24 AM


Woke up in the middle of the night consumed with thoughts of Joshua. Felt stressed and anxious. Wanted to take another bike ride but decided that it was too late to be safe. Had to take a drive with the dog to just calm down. Felt better. Felt ridiculous. Was glad that I had a dog who loves me no matter what. Unconditional love is a nice thing to be on the receiving end of. Crept quietly into the house. Noticed how nice the hallway looked. Noticed the lovely new bike I have. Felt the new bike happiness all over again. Noticed the bathroom and how nice it looked. Felt proud of myself for working on the house finally. Enjoyed listening to my mom's cute little snore. It's like a tiny little "snorb" noise. You can barely even hear it. But I love hearing it because it gives my heart peace, to hear her calm and safe and at rest. She sleeps with the light out now. Ever since she came back from physical therapy. They turn everyones lights off at night. And since she had gotten used to it, I decided to *not* reintroduce the night light. 


The dog made herself comfortable in my room. I decided to keep the dog tonight. I think I need her more than my mom tonight. I wish she'd put on some meat, but I love her scrawny bony butt and all. 


Still having a hard time relaxing. Took a night time sleep aid since clearly my anti-anxiety medication isn't working. Decided that I *was* glad after all that I did not cancel my appointment tomorrow with the Dr. Turns out that I still need to see the Dr. I need to relax and get a grip.
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