I Wish You Would Call Me Your Sweet Little Artichoke Again. How Inappropriate Is That???

Mar. 1st, 2010 at 12:53 AM

Gah! I miss him so much. And I hate that. I want to not feel this quiet pang of discontent. This persistent yearning. I want to want his happiness. Even if that means a future without *us* together. To never speak again like we did, for hours everyday, looking forward to the next moment when we would talk, be together, to see his beautiful quiet smile and know that it was just for me. I can't tell you how much I miss that. I want to be mature and kind. To know better than this and move on. I want to be good. I want to be smart. And I want to find someone who truly loves me for me and will not let me go. (Le sigh) Deep breath. Remember that. He chose. And he let you go. He chose her, and he tried to forget you. So now it's time to let him go, wish him well, and forget him. It's ok. There will be more amazing men in your life. Remember next time how rare they are, and try hard not to fuck it up. The only reason you are feeling this way now, is because you spoke with him again and it was wonderful. Don't do that to yourself anymore! Only risk what you can afford to lose. And at this point you can't afford to lose your head or your heart. ...But then again...can you ever? How do people fall in love with all of this quiet angst and pulling in divergent directions? How do they ever manage it???
Groups:Inner Circle Peeps
Mood:  restless




Comments





vanmedi wrote:
Mar. 1st, 2010 06:52 pm 
Wow. What a drama queen. Ha! I feel better now. Isn't it funny how late at night things feel so urgent and dire sometimes. Pish-tosh. Moving on now...





dancingsinging wrote:
Mar. 2nd, 2010 05:30 pm 
Sorry you're having to suffer through it so much. And just because you feel better in the morning doesn't mean it's not real.


Oh, and by the way--you didn't fuck it up. Nothing you could have done would have made it work. You know that, don't you? If not--take yourself off to alanon or your therapist! It's not your fault!





vanmedi wrote:
Mar. 2nd, 2010 10:07 pm 
Oh hehe. This isn't about Joshua at all. I know there's nothing I could have done to make *that* work. I'm actually doing quite well regarding that. :) ...and I'm doing pretty well regarding this too. I just spoke with someone that I hadn't spoken with in a long time...and he's still amazing and wonderful. That's all. But I need to focus on improving myself before I'm ready for that. -Improving doesn't quite sound right...I guess what I'm saying is that I have all the time in the world for that to either work out or not...but in the forefront right now, I need to be chanting, exercising, sleeping a lot more than I am now, having time in the sunshine with my friends, loving my mom, and streamlining my life, and working on my goals. There's time for boys later. There's always time for boys when it's the *right* time.