I went into work today. Several people kept asking me how I was. I hate that feeling....where you know you're not well, but you're trying to keep it together, and you're *almost* doing it...it's not like you're crying or anything (yet), and you'll be just fine, (if no one looks closely and asks you one more time "are you ok?"). There's this guy in the office that I joke with. On a typical day, he will walk past my desk and he'll say something like "Oy vey!" and have a deep heavy sigh, indicating how stressed out he is. And I'll usually giggle a little bit when he sighs. And then he'll smile at me. Today, I just worked. And he had to stop and ask me twice how I was. I told him "fine. And he said "I'm not convinced." He was right. I asked my boss if I could take some time off. I'm taking some time to get my head on straight and regroup. I need a vacation. I realize that all of the "vacation time" I've taken for over a year, has been to take care of my mom. So it wasn't really soothing, nurturing, and restorative, as a true vacation should be. I'm not going anywhere and I will still be taking care of my mom, and also working my other job, but for the most part, I am on vacation for the rest of the week. I needed this. I just need some time to cry and let go, and work on the house. And also get out and do some fun stuff. I mainly need to cathartically get rid of stuff that does not serve me or get me closer to my vision of what I want my life to be like. I'm serious about this. I am going to take the rest of tonight to just relax. And intermittently I will take breaks as well. But I am going to do something great for my life this week. It is a NEED not just a vague causal WANT.
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