Showing posts with label Soul Hugs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Soul Hugs. Show all posts

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Millie Meets Mr. Piccolo and The Cute Boy

I got to see Millie yesterday! And it was so good for my heart. It felt like coming home. Isn't it funny how the people we love the most in life, have that wonderful feeling of *home*. Just holding them, smiling, and being in their presence, is like a thousand home-cooked meals, Christmas mornings, and fires in the fireplace all wrapped up in one simple hug.  The Cute Boy and I went to the dog park with Mr. Piccolo 
and afterwards, we stopped by the nursing home that Millie is in. We brought Mr. Piccolo in to meet her, and immediately, all of the old people in the living room perked up when they saw "the puppy". There were so many smiling and eager faces. Even the woman who runs the place, came out to see him. We went to Millie's room to visit. And she sat down on the bed and cradled Mr. Piccolo. He didn't squirm or try to get away. In fact, he just relaxed and settled in. He was tuckered out from all of his running and playing at the dog park. And there's something about the energy of old people. It's sweet and safe. Calm and comforting. Ceci knew that Millie's arms were a safe place to be in and rest, so he closed his eyes and took a nap. 
"I want a puppy." Millie said. It's a universal truth shared between children and old people -everyone wants a puppy. When you let down your guard, and are open to what your heart really wants...at the end of the day, don't be surprised if "Puppy" is on the list. 
I told Millie that I would bring him back to visit again. Some time this week, I'm going to go back and paint her nails. She was really excited about this prospect. I realize my nail colors are a little limited right now. I just got 3 awesome O.P.I nail colors from a makeup artist friend of mine who was clearing out her stash. But they're all unusual and youthful colors like blue and milky white, named things like "Club Scene Queen". "Club Scene Queen" -that would be perfect for Millie wouldn't it? ;) I'll bring all of my colors and let her pick whatever she likes. She's getting up there in years now; in her upper ninety's. I think a little metallic disco blue would be nice. 

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

34 Days And Counting


Sunday, September 19, 2010 at 6:58pm


I miss you so much mom. My heart is very heavy these days. And I feel broken. I'm trying my best to get in touch with all of the love that you gave me. The endless understanding, grace, and forgiveness. I want to feel comforted like I did when you were here. I want to hear your laugh so much. Or to make some joke that you and I would laugh hard and loud at. I want to hear your noises. The simple noise of you moving through the house. Your feet padding on the hardwood floors. Or the sound of you sitting down on the bed beside me. I just want to see your head pop in the doorway and see your big broad smile. I want to hear you say "Hi there!" Or "Vaness, is that you? I'm so glad to see you! I love you." I just want so desperately to say I love you to you and to hug you. I want that so much it hurts everyday. And I can't. And I have to adjust to that.

"Soul hugs." That's what George calls them. I have to get used to giving you "Soul hugs" now. And feeling your "soul hugs". I need to let them in, and feel them down to the bone. But right now I just feel empty. Hurt and empty. I want to feel them. I want to be back in that place I was that first Wednesday, when I had just come from my therapists office. I felt great. I was open. Accepting. But now that I think of it, I must not have been all there. Some part of me had to have been partitioned off...numb and in denial. Because I was handling it so well back then. But now, it's hitting me so much harder. I've had time to miss you and feel it more. Time for it to really sink in, that you are not just around the corner or waiting for me at home. It's not like those times that you went to the hospital but always came home in the end. This time the doctors prognosis actually came true. This time it really was the end. And it hurts so badly. I am so wounded. I'm down. My heart is saying "uncle". "I surrender".

I will rise again. Right now, it just really hurts.




  • Diana Elrod Nothing to say but "I get it."
    September 19, 2010 at 8:51pm · 

  • Jodi Arata You're in my heart and I am sending you a "soul hug" right now. Please don't hesitate to call if you need ANYTHING. Even if you just need someone to come buy with a tub of ice cream, I can be that someone.
    September 19, 2010 at 9:39pm · 

  • Vanessa Medina Jodi...I totally will. PS. I like rocky road Häagen-Dazs
    September 19, 2010 at 10:39pm · 

  • Jenny Kaplan OH Girl.....sigh....I SO know what you are feeling...keep letting it out keep processing and keep talking and chanting and feeling and loving yourself...it's all here for you...be open and it will come! xoxo Jen
    September 20, 2010 at 3:50am ·