Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I Surrender

Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 9:36pm



If my heart could talk, well...right now, it wouldn't even be able to. Sadly, it wouldn't be able to find words. It misses her. It misses her so much and is so damaged. So hurt. So wounded, that it can't even speak. All it can do is howl. My heart would howl to her, screaming out that it misses her. “I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you so much that it hurts. It hurts without you. I miss you. I wish I could hug you right now. I wish you were here right now hugging me too. I miss you. I love you so much, I can't even imagine the world without you. I miss you.” It would howl. 


It feels like a bad ending. Un-real. Like /this/is/NOT/my/life. /This/is/NOT/how/the/story/goes. /This/is/not/how/it/went. Like the great story-teller got lost. Forgot the way it was supposed to be read out, and went off script entirely. Created a dramatic twist, a tragedy that was supposed to be a calm happy story. I can't get past the feeling that her life was unfinished.  That it was meant to go on. She was supposed to be here now. Happy. Content. Healthy. Here. My mom was amazing. My mom was supposed to be my family forever. Christmas. Thanksgiving. Milestones in life were supposed to be shared. Babies were going to be born and held. Loved and known. She was going to sing to them. Laugh with them. And smile upon them. They were going to develop a special relationship with her. I was going to grow old with her as my Rock of Gibraltar. I was going to be able to go out into the world and explore, feeling safe because I would know that she would always be here if I needed her. No matter where I was, she would only be a phone call away, and if I ever needed her, she would protect me. Shelter me. Heal me. Soothe me through life's tribulations. But she can't heal this. It can't be healed. I still don't know if I will survive this. 


As a child I needed her. I was shy. Gentle. And needing of support and encouragement. She was so vibrant and fearless. Vivian. It was the best name for her. She exemplified it's root meaning. She was life. I still need her. I still need my mom. I can't shake that. Can't get rid of that instinctual bond. That feeling which makes my body and heart ache with longing. I feel like a soldier -fucked up in the head, and fresh from war. For the most part, I can pass. I'm still able to make a joke. Laugh. And somewhat function. But compared to how I am naturally...compared to who I was when she was healthy, before I could imagine any of this, I am a dimmed down version. A light sketch when I should be bold strokes; a vivid illustration. I have psychological issues now. Scarring from this battle. My mind is broken now. I can't attach myself the same way anymore. I can't shake the fucked up twisting of my brain. The horrific replay of her primal moan as she left this world. Her last breath escaping her. And that horrible gurgle of fluids as I pulled her limp body into a sitting-up position, so that I could get some leverage and position myself to pull her gently and quickly onto the floor. Getting a hard and solid plane underneath her so that I could give her CPR. That horrible noise and feeling of breaking her bones as I gave her that first compression. Totally fucked up. Not able to keep my word. Not able to keep the focus. Not able to remember that I had told her that I would be here for her to the end. And let her die peacefully at home. I knew that was the plan, and I couldn't stick to it. I couldn't handle it. It hurt me so much. I failed her. I will never forgive myself for that failing. I feel like I have post traumatic stress. Flashbacks to the horrible. Pain that won't let go of my heart. 

 ·  · Share · Delete
    • Kerry Quirk Rego You WERE there for her. You DIDN'T fail. You WILL be vibrant again because she is in you.
      March 23 at 9:43pm · 
    • Charity Saneholtz Sweet Vanessa, she forgives you. She loves you and understands why you had to fight for her. Why it is so hard to let go. You are so amazing- we all know truth when we hear/read it.
      March 23 at 10:16pm · 
    • Shannon Hodges You are such a vibrant, loving person Vanessa. You are making your mom proud! Nothing can replace the relationship you had with her, though you still have so many opportunities to relate and experience in this life ♥
      March 23 at 10:32pm · 
    • Elizabeth Diane Medina Good morning Princess.
      March 24 at 12:11pm · 
    • Elizabeth Diane Medina It hurts me deeply to feel your pain. However, I don't think you failed Vivian, to the contrary, your actions, made her posible for her, to pass away in the hands of her child. Tha's the way is suppose to be.
      March 24 at 12:14pm · 
    • Elizabeth Diane Medina Many mothers have to experience that, while loosing their children.
      March 24 at 12:15pm · 
    • Kerry Quirk Rego While I don't want to minimize the pain you are in but I have to add that am am jealous you got so much time with your mom. My perspective is that you got 28 more years with yours than I did mine. I would give anything to have had the time you had.
      March 24 at 12:20pm · 
    • Elizabeth Diane Medina 
      My oldest sister had that experience with three (3) of her daughters. Remember that Vivian was an Angel and our Lord wanted her. There is very little we can do mija. We don't understand why things happen in life. You are lucky to have thosebeautiful memories of her tender love, her care and compasion. You have stories to tell you children and they will know her thru you. There are many people who do not have that. In the other hand, there are many people who only have regret of being born from mothers who do not care and as they get older, they don't even want to speak to them. I know that Vivian left because it was her time, I also know that she was happy to feel your devotion and care. I also know that she does not want you to mortify yourself with the idea that you "failed" her because YOU DID NOT! You were her world and at the end of her journey, you were there for her. Eduardo was her husband and he is the one who failed her, not you my beautiful angel. Please be kind to your self, you are not a doctor, not even a paramedic, you did what any loving daughter could do. I will be praying for you, so God will send His Angels to comfort you and grant the peace you need. I suggest you start writing all the beautiful memmories you have of Vvian, so you have plenty of material to share with your children.
      March 24 at 12:29pm · 
    • Elizabeth Diane Medina Million of warm fuzzies and tons of blessings and love from Tia Eli :-)
      March 24 at 12:30pm · 
    • Andrea Stevick 
      You were there for her in every way. She was in pain but not because of you. You chose to be strong and be with her even though she was in pain. You're the vibrant strong woman that chose to be with her, and to help her. You may be weary, but you are not lost. You chose to do something heroic. To live on with out her may seem worse because now you don't have her to take care of, to be strong for, but to understand that you can be strong for yourself, that you can be your own hero, is a gift I think right now she's giving to you.
      March 24 at 2:44pm · 
    • Leslie LCreezy Crebassa 
      Oh, love. You did everything for your mother and she knew how much you loved her. You did more than I even thought possible. In what you perceive to be your darkest moments, I see the most incredible light. Whatever moments you may think meant failure are a drop in the bucket compared to everything else. You very clearly did not fail your mother, at least from where I am standing. You loved and cared for her throughout a debilitating disease all on your own. I don't think there is anyone in my life that is as devoted to anything or anyone as you were to your mother. You are your mother's daughter and you carry her excellence, her joyful soul and fighting spirit with you every day. You cannot convince me of anything different, not with any of your words. While I can understand how it may feel that way, I will never believe that you failed your mother, ever. I only see love and hope and I remember Vivian's smile and how she looked at you when she said "I love you."
      March 24 at 8:08pm · 
    • Elizabeth Diane Medina I get the feeling that Eduardo's guilt made him erase my message.
      March 24 at 9:17pm · 
    • Elizabeth Diane Medina Did you read any? please let me know :-)
      March 24 at 9:18pm · 
    • Denis Gbepal That really measure the degree of ur love to her.
      March 25 at 2:06pm · 

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