November 30th, 2009; 4:12 PM
Get a hold of your fear. Get a hold of your pain. Learn to master it. You must control it or it will control you. Learn to be calm and focused. Learn to be stony-solid. You will see. You will learn that the pain can come and go swiftly. It can be placated by your mind so swiftly that it will amaze you how such deep and sorrowful pain could vanish in a whisper.
Sifting through my mothers room, moving objects long forgotten and covered in dust. I came upon a chair. In it, sat a beautiful black and white photograph of my mother. Fresh. Ravissante. Youthful.
This was a picture of her that used to hang on my grandfathers wall. It had an article that went with it. I can't remember the artist. But someone of the time, someone of importance -a man, had “found his muse”. -My mother. She was inspiring. Filled with not only beauty but contagious enthusiasm. I always knew that my mother was beautiful. Just as I had always known that I came no where near her beauty. I had her laugh though. People who had never met me before knew that I was her daughter just from hearing me laugh. They would approach me in all sorts of random places. Once, a woman even emerged from a public bathroom stall and asked me if I knew Vivian? “You must be her daughter! You laugh just like her.” Somehow it made me feel good that some part of her wonderfulness was a part of me.
This was a picture of her that used to hang on my grandfathers wall. It had an article that went with it. I can't remember the artist. But someone of the time, someone of importance -a man, had “found his muse”. -My mother. She was inspiring. Filled with not only beauty but contagious enthusiasm. I always knew that my mother was beautiful. Just as I had always known that I came no where near her beauty. I had her laugh though. People who had never met me before knew that I was her daughter just from hearing me laugh. They would approach me in all sorts of random places. Once, a woman even emerged from a public bathroom stall and asked me if I knew Vivian? “You must be her daughter! You laugh just like her.” Somehow it made me feel good that some part of her wonderfulness was a part of me.
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