June 16th, 2009; 9:35 PM
You've never responded. At this point I don't expect you to. I check my email everyday in the hopes that I am wrong or that I have somehow misunderstood you or underestimated your love for me. But I haven't. I am well aware of the limits of your love and feelings with regard to me. They simply do no exist. Or if they do, they are pale cheap imitations of the love that I want. The kind that my Grandparents had. The kind that lasts forever and through anything. An everlasing kind of love. My heart sinks when I see that it is yet another day with no word from you. She has returned now, and I am sure that for the present moment, your thoughts are preocupied with her. So I have a choice. I can torture myself with thoughts of you and the love that you are giving to someone else, or I can push you out of my mind and move on. I can focus on more important things like my mom, her care, and my life. Heck, even walking the dog is going to have to be more important than you from now on. I am setting a deadline for myself. By tomorrow, I will have swept the front portch and disposed of your cigarette butts which you left in my meditation stone. I will fill it up again with clean water, as it was always meant to be, and I will press onward and upward. You have until the end of the month to make up your mind. But I know now that there is no real hope. By now you should know. You should know if you are coming home or not. And as I have had no words of apology or reconciliation, I think that is enough. I see that you are not coming home to me ever again. It hurts. But I will live. I miss you right now, but I will not miss you forever. And one day there will be someone new. Someone who will love me for real this time.
You've never responded. At this point I don't expect you to. I check my email everyday in the hopes that I am wrong or that I have somehow misunderstood you or underestimated your love for me. But I haven't. I am well aware of the limits of your love and feelings with regard to me. They simply do no exist. Or if they do, they are pale cheap imitations of the love that I want. The kind that my Grandparents had. The kind that lasts forever and through anything. An everlasing kind of love. My heart sinks when I see that it is yet another day with no word from you. She has returned now, and I am sure that for the present moment, your thoughts are preocupied with her. So I have a choice. I can torture myself with thoughts of you and the love that you are giving to someone else, or I can push you out of my mind and move on. I can focus on more important things like my mom, her care, and my life. Heck, even walking the dog is going to have to be more important than you from now on. I am setting a deadline for myself. By tomorrow, I will have swept the front portch and disposed of your cigarette butts which you left in my meditation stone. I will fill it up again with clean water, as it was always meant to be, and I will press onward and upward. You have until the end of the month to make up your mind. But I know now that there is no real hope. By now you should know. You should know if you are coming home or not. And as I have had no words of apology or reconciliation, I think that is enough. I see that you are not coming home to me ever again. It hurts. But I will live. I miss you right now, but I will not miss you forever. And one day there will be someone new. Someone who will love me for real this time.
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