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He kissed me. I didn't even want to be kissed, and he knew it. But he did it anyway. He wanted to kiss me. It was sweet. Gentle. I had fun in the doing of it. But we both knew it was transient, like the warm summer breeze blowing past our bodies in the night air. Sweet and momentary. Like blossoms falling from the tree. Since then, he has not returned my call. Even when I made it clear that it wasn't a big deal, and that I just wanted to talk with him to make sure that everything was neutral and ok. Chances are we may see eachother again, because of mutual friends, and I would rather talk now, so that there is a warm welcome and hello rather than unspoken awkwardness. But he never called me back. I wonder why? I would think that maybe he was depressed or embarrased...possibly he thinks that "he got rid of me" and now doesn't want to be contacted/bothered. Which would be slightly amusing and annoying. I don't know the real reason. And it's best for me to stop imagining what it could be. All I can say is, it was a sweet moment. I wasn't invested. It didn't hurt really that he seems uninvested too. But it is a shame that he's not being my friend anymore. I did wish we would continue as friends.
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I know so much about you. Everyday, I hear more and more tid bits. Stories given in whispers. Office gossip really. Things that I shouldn't know about. So how can I say to you, that I know? And how can I say how much I admire you for them? For the things you've done? The man you are? I really do love you and am glad you are. I hope the world learns from you. I'm sure your son will get through this hard time, and the next. He always will, because you will always love him. Your wife inspires me too. She's older than you. Always has been...and I never would know unless someone told me. She's so strong. So avant gaurde! And gives to the world around her. I like the fact that she does the veggie garden in the public elementary school on the wrong side of town. I like the fact that she gets out there and digs in the dirt with the children and gives them ownership over it. Makes them feel special, and a part of something wonderful. I like the fact that you were willing to give up an amazing job...a job that makes me smile with glee and excitement because it is the job I dream of but will never have now. I'm stuck here for now. But it makes me happy thinking about having a job that would take me around the world, exploring the ring of fire. You gave it up for her. And began a new career. You were there to provide not just financial stability, but also the everyday love and joy that people need to keep going and keep being happy about it all. And you're grateful. You honor your wife. You treat her like a cherished person. I love that. I wish more men did that. It makes me so happy to see that because that was how my grandpa loved my grandma. Today you saw my face scrunched up in thought...trying to recall that word you taught me. The one that had the meaning "you never knew" untill I looked it up and told you all about it's history. You were shocked. Authentically so. I remember how red your cheeks got with embarasment. And how you apologised, and said that you never would have called me that if you knew. It was just a term you learned on the oil rig. Man talk. Salt of the earth talk. How could you know it's origins were from a literary magazine...and an era of conservative editing? That the author of the short story wanted to put something in there that he knew the editor wouldn't publish, so he hid the gritty term in a way that he knew the editor would misunderstand. Using a yiddish term that he knew 1940's East coast WASP's wouldn't be familliar with. You saw my face scrunched up...searching my memory for that word, and before I could utter it, you reminded me to use the polite term. The one that is fun and playful. It made me laugh and like you all the more for it.
- Groups:Inner Circle Peeps
- Mood:
cheerful
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