Stupid Fear

November 11th, 2007; 8:04 PM

Current mood:melancholy

So today we had another meeting with the lovely young womens division. We talked a bit about a bunch of different topics ...some buddhist philosophy woven in here and there and how it relates to their lives. ...And I felt like a bit of a hyppocrite. Here I was telling them to go forward with courage in their lives, to really manifest their buddha nature, and overcome their obstacles particularly with relationships (not just the romantic kind...friends, parents, siblings, peers, etc) and in my heart I was dying. I had somewhat given up across the board. Maybe not completely given up. But honestly I was dead in the water with no forward momentum on some relationships that were very important to me, and yet, I wasn't doing anything about them. I do have a lot of personal power, but I was/am failing to use it. It's scary when you don't know how things will turn out. Or you fear that they just won't turn out well no matter what you do. I'm afraid, so I'm not doing anything. I like to think of it as practical. Or realistic. But really it's just scared. Maybe I'll get over it soon and do something about it?