December 3rd, 2008; 9:05 AM
Current mood:
amused
Rejection, humor, and attempting to be confident. This has been a part of my evening.
I was watching a bit of the ol' telly earlier this evening, and there was a show on called Nanny 911. In it, there was a father, who although very loving, was hobbling his children by laying down with them before bed, until they would fall asleep. They were very loved and comforted by his presence, but the flip side of that was that they did not develop their own inner strength and confidence. It came from an external source. And when that source was taken away, it was scary-freak-out-time for the kids. They were very insecure.
I thought about my life, and came to the conclusion that sometimes I behave in certain ways because I am insecure. Now I have no problem sleeping alone, I'm not afraid of the dark, and I do take care of myself. But! I do have some problems with simply liking myself even when others are not big fans. Or particularly, when they are rejecting of my friendship. This does happen. It shouldn't be a big deal. And in a lot of ways it's not. (Let's face it people...I have bigger fish to fry.) But when I look at my life as a whole and weigh things like success and happiness....those rejections come to mind and sting a little bit. It's lame. I wish they didn't. But they do.
So what to do about it??? It seems to me that the best attitude to take is to proceed onward as I would otherwise, not daunted or offended by the rejection. And also (very importantly) to NOT match them in any way. Just because someone doesn't like you, or even if they detest you and hate your guts...it really doesn't help the situation to mirror that. That only creates more drama and uneccisary pain. And I don't want to do that. I'm here to make my life golden. It seems to me that the best thing, is also a very hard thing sometimes. I really think that it is to hold a space for that friendship and love to blossom one day. Kind of like a one woman sit-in-protest...only the protest is in your life....and the way you protest is by being kind, loving, and inclusive; no matter what. -And that's some tough shit to master. But I'm working on it. And so far I'd say I'm doing pretty good.
I remember being the new kid at school in Middle School. And the awkwardness of having to get my tray lunch and find a place to sit. A lot of kids not only didn't want outsiders to sit at their table...they acutally would reject you if you asked. Rejection can be subtle...it can be a person turning away and pretending you are not there. Or it can be more in your face ala Jerry Springer style. Any way it happens...it always reminds me a bit of that lonely feeling of being the new kid at school in the cafeteria; tray in hand, wondering where I was going to sit. I'd like to think that adults are better mannered than children. But that's not always the case. People just are who they are. And for the most part, we are imperfect. I do hope that we learn to embrace one another and live with that all inclusive love and camaraderie that is possible. We just have to make it so. We create the world we live in, with our thoughts, words, and actions. And no matter how far down the path of negativity we have gone, or how distant we've grown, it's never too late to turn back and learn to love one another. -Warts and all!
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