Talk with the ancestors

March 25th, 2008 at 9:03 PM

Today I went to the cemetery and spoke with my Grandparents. It's been a while since I've done that. I don't remember the last time. I realized how strange it was to find myself in this position. When they died, I never imagined my life would turn out this way. Or that I would only have a few more years with my mom as my mom (before she got sick.) I never thought that life would be this hard. Or that I would fail to rise as I had thought I would...and as they had thought I would too. I don't know if your ancestors can really talk to you or if what you hear when you think they are speaking is really what you want to hear? I kept thinking that my Grandparents would still love me. That they still believed in me. And that they wanted me to be less fearful. To sell the duplex and make a life. To know that it will be all right. And not to be so hard on myself. To consider that part of why they were so successful was because there were two of them working together. And that it was a very different situation than mine, where I go alone and have to take care of my mom. That that duplex was only a treasure for me and my mom, (their REAL treasures)..and that I was forgetting that I was a real treasure.

Then..Tonight I spoke with Kris. She is the woman that I loaned my college money to. It was good to speak with her. Even if it's not true. It's good to get a glimmering of hope. To hear that she has not forgotten. And that she is working hard to find a way to repay her debt to me. That she understands how she has impacted my life. And that it is not lost on her that I still believe in her, and hold a space for her happiness and success. She was appreciative of the fact that I have always been really kind to her, no matter what has happened. I am glad. She's going to call me in two weeks, and hopefully will have good news. I don't know what. But I hope it's good