It has been a month now...and I am beginning to lose hope. Maybe this is the best thing...maybe I'm supposed to lose hope...that way I won't be noticing all of the time it's taking for him to feel the way he did before. Maybe losing hope is like a distraction. I will get on with my life and stop waiting patiently (or impatiently) ...and then...when I'm not looking...he'll love me again (or not)...but either way...I will be ok in the meantime. In a way, I think he might be testing me...to see how much he really meant to me (alot!) ...but if this is a test...I am afraid I will fail. I have let uncertainty creep in. I vacillate between being really gregarious and warm (the way we used to be), to being quiet and reserved -placid almost (this is something he could easily misread..as: "Vanessa doesn't give a fuck about me." Which would not be accurate...Lameness...
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