Well it's official! Joshua *is* in fact still *in* love with me....not just "Hey I love you as a person...or a friend..." but rather "I am *in love* with you, Vanessa." Love. I asked him if he was because it seemed like he had been particularly sweet and nice and cuddly...and he was saying I love you alot. And last night when I told him "I shmuv you" he said "I love you too" and then paused and asked me if I was having second thoughts or if I regretted telling him I love you...which was strange to me. I am not the kind of person to say I love you and then say...wait no...*take back*! -That is so not my style. Plus I have been very upfront with him about the fact that I am not *in* love with him anymore. I do not love him the way I used to. I now simply love him...as in I have love for him but I am not in love with him...I will always love him. I told him that...and made it clear that he was a very important person to me but that we needed to be friends now and that means that we couldn't kiss or have sex or do things like that because *friends* don't do that sort of stuff...And then he kissed me...BAH! I asked him why he didn't tell me before about being in love with me...and he said that "I didn't need to be fucked with like that." -which is soooooooooooo true! We talked a bit more...and basically it came out that he had known that he was still in love with me but felt really bad about the way he had treated me before in our relationship, and now that he knew that I was moving on and somewhat in the process of falling in love with someone else and that I just wanted to be friends with him...his feelings for me were coming up even more and he was therefore being more expressive of it hence the multitude of I love you's and cuddling and niceness. Hmmmmmm..... I'm not falling for that one again! Bah! I do love him. But I am still NOT IN LOVE with him anymore....But I know I could fall in love with him again quite easily....so I must limit my proximity to him. I will still see him and hang with him...but I can't spend the night...and there will be no more kissing....Bah! WTF? I can't see him for a while! I am totally in danger of doing something majorly stupid....I can't do that to myself....Bah!
crazy
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