After pondering the various things in my life that I know I should do, but haven't taken action on, I juiced myself up by thinking about why? -Mainly the avoidance of pain or just stuff that I don't want to deal with. And then I thought about all of the the things that I would lose or miss out on if I didn't do them...then I thought about all of the benefit I would receive from doing them. ...Anyhoo...long story short, I called Bree. I thought about our situation and realized that it would be A-OK for me if we were not friends anymore. I honestly think *she* would be missing out way more than I would. And of course perhaps this attitude of mine is why she thinks that I think that I am better than her. -I don't. But I do think that in the past, she has gotten a lot of favors and help from me. I have not had anything more than simple friendship from her. -Which is fine. I wasn't looking for any kind of favors. But after having such an inequitable friendship for so long, I really started to feel used, and resentful. I do believe that Bree is the kind of person that tries to use everyone in her life. And I don't want to be used. I also want to be able to talk about serious things that I see that are just plain wrong. I confronted her about some big things. And granted, I did lose my cool when I talked to her about it -I acknowledged that that was out of line. However, I do think the gist of what I was saying was not. I do think she is doing drugs and drinks too much, and that her son and she would greatly benefit from her getting some sort of treatment for that, and some parenting classes. I also think her son needs her...bigtime...and needs her to provide more stability and structure than she has been. He should be in bed at 8. Not 12. And she can't be passed out midday while he takes care of himself...and goes outside unsupervised. I still feel all of these things. I also think that she is putting herself in a bad situation by dating a man who is still married, and although I am pretty sure he will only use her for sex and then discard her and her son (He's even told her he doesn't like kids and doesn't want kids....Even though he spends the occasional weekend with her and her son.) that part I realize is her business. She can make that call. She can introduce her son to him and let him get attached...even though I think that is very damaging to Aidan....Bree is the adult (in theory) in this situation, and it is her life to live. Aidan gets the fun of being along for the ride. ...Anyhoo....clearly I am still angry with her. I can't really talk about it without being very harsh and critical...and I hear that in the delivery of what I am saying. I guess what I am saying is: I am ok not having her around anymore. It would be cool if we could work this out, and especially if she understood why I am concerned or just plain upset about some of the things we discussed. I want her to know that if I give her attitude about her son being up late...it's because it is not an occasional thing...it's a lifestyle...and it is not working for either one of them. Aidan really needs some attention and structure. Bree needs to lay off the drugs and alcohol so that she can even be coherent enough to notice this. And I need to chill and just trust that even without me in their lives...this will happen. Someone else will take these things up with her.
No comments:
Post a Comment