I Am Your Mother, Your Father, Your Son, And Your Daughter.

April 23rd, 2007; 2:27 AM

Current mood:thoughtful

So...arghghgghgg! My my spell check program is having "issues"...therefore, you will be subject to the myriad assortment of "creative" spellings that my oh so creative mind can come up with. Yay! Good for you! This makes me think of an English teacher I had in college...who told me how intelligent I was...however, she reprimanded me (brutally) for my horrible spelling. She scarred me just enough to benefit me...I never turn in a paper without running it through spell check now. I remember how she said it was "embarassing for her to read my misspelled words"...a thought that comes back to me sometimes when I read other peoples blogs who have the same problem with spelling that I do. :-D Oh well...Misspellers of the Universe UNITE! Together, we shall overthrow this oppressive fashionist (haaaha -that one was on purpose!) regieme!

So...on to the real point! I was noticing that someone came through and read a bunch of my blogs and I was wondering what it looked like to them. A blog is a very interesting thing. It captures a moment of authenticity in a persons life, however because we don't solely exist here on the internet...when I am done writing my thoughts here...I venture forth into the "real world" and stuff happens there that isn't captured in my blog. So...in essence, even though those snap shots of life are true...they are not the whole truth. I was reading something on a friends site...and she said a bunch of things which were true about her in the "about me" category...but she finished with saying that: "If you think you know all about me now, you don't. This is only maybe 4% of me." And it's true. About all of us. Even by the time I finish writing this, I will have changed. Perhaps not the major human revolution that I am constantly striving toward...but why not? In Buddhist philosophy, the Dragon King's Daughter...the Dragon Girl (a demon) achieved enlightenment within a moment. She was being told how she couldn't do it...(I mean think of it...she's a demon, and a girl! -Not exactly the picture perfect makings of a Buddha....but she was.) And she said that by the time that sentence was through...she would have already proven them wrong by reaching her enlightenment...and that is exactly what she did.

Anyhoo...my hope is that I will make a signifigant and truly substantive change in my life in this respect: I want to make a paradigm shift in how I regard others. I want to be more in touch with the ideas of my sensei...He said something about how all of us at one time or another, existed in a life where we were connected as family. That the people that you see around you in a past lifetime were your children and you were thiers. They were your father and your mother...and you were thiers. It's a different world when I see people that way. I have a deeper sense of compassion and love and connection when I think of us all as being connected in one big cosmic family. Hippy-dippy I know...Don't shoot me...I'm waxing poetic here! ;-) ...and no...to my uber-Christian brothers and sisters...I have not joined a cult..Buddhism is a "real" religion. ...and to my Agnostic, Atheist, and other snickering folk out there...even if it's not true...the stuff about reincarnation and us all being family...isn't it a more usefull/humanistic way of regarding one another VS. thinking that we are all alone in this universe.

The way that this relates to my blog is...that I was reviewing it..and I noticed  something strange..I have a tendency to use the term "enemy" a lot. I realize that this could be misunderstood quite easily. To make it clear: I don't really have dire enemies..it's not like I'm going to get all fistacuffs in a dark alley one day with them. And oftentimes when I use the term enemy, I am actually talking about myself and the struggles that I have within to be the person that I want to be (my worst enemies are always internal, not external). But...the more I started to think about this term...and my reaction to it ..how I wanted to explain it away, justify it, deny it, etc...I came to think that perhaps it was an insidious limiting belief that I had within me. The fact that it hit a nerve, but I didn't want to change it...made me challenge myself to change it! Now! Today! Not tomorrow. I want to shift from this term "enemy" to having the belief that we are all connected deeply. I see the benefit in this in so many ways. Not only will I never feel alone in my darkest moments of hardship and struggle, but I will reach out more to others when I see that they need it...And also when they don't. To regard us all as friends..even if we're not friends yet. :-) There's a term called Schadenfreude..it means to be happy at someone elses misfortune. Not that I partake in this much...although there is a very amusing site here:http://www.scalzi.com/whatever/004492.html on how to make a Schadenfreude Pie. Tooooo funny! :-D Schadenfreude is not something that would be possible if I regarded us as being one. It's like that saying, that to hurt another would be like your right hand cutting off your left. -That you are hurting yourself in hurting them or even rejoicing in thier downfall...because to see us as separate is an illusion. I read that there is a Buddhist term called Mudita, regarded as the opposite of Schadenfreude. It means to rejoice at someone elses happiness. Now..this shit is eeeeaaasy with the people you like. Your Momma, Daddy, baby sister, big brother, husband, wife, best friend, etc. The real challenge lies in the other people...The ones where I take a step back and think and smile (while tilting my head slightly) when I think of them as being reincarnated versions of my previous son or daughter, father, or mother. I like to think of them that way...because it gets me closer to my sense of humanity and love. My mom is someone who has the purest and deepest love for me..She will always want my happiness for me. She will always cheer for me and be my friend. She will love me no matter what. And she will forgive me for all of my "Mis-Takes". She will always see the greatness within me. It is a deep and unshakable belief in her, that I posess this greatness. And I would like to regard others that way.