After a bit of space and contemplation. I have realized that it is important for me to learn to be more up front about things in the moment. I know that my responses to how Sash was yesterday, were not really healthy. I should be able to say in the moment...when she tells me that I look fat like an elephant...that that really hurts my feelings and is just plain rude, not nice, and if she wants to continue being my friend that she will not do fucked up things like that in the future. And I should also be able to tell her that about taking my hours at work too. I've decided to look for a different job so that this just simply doesn't have a chance of happening again in the future. But also...I just really need to learn how to stand up for myself when I get stepped on. Sometimes I do a great job of this. But the unfortunate thing is...if you have a more passive-aggressive style like Sash..I'm just not quite as good at handling it. I guess it's the less overt that I struggle with. I don't want to make a big deal out of it..but if I do nothing...then it is highly likely to happen again with some folks.
On a different note..Joshua pulled it out of the hat. I don't know how he does it. He must be psychic. He wrote me the most amazing letter just in the nick of time. I didn't even tell him anything. I didn't say..oh and by the way...I'm getting fed up with the inequity here....And I'm about to just pull out my interests here...He just was great. He explained some crucial info that I was not getting. I didn't know that he reads my e-mail when he comes off the slopes *while* he's still at work...This makes the lack of lengthy response more understandable. And his fingers are still frozen when he's reading them..(This makes a huge difference to me.) And also that he LOVES my letters..and looks forward to them...and reads them. That they brighten his day. This was all awesomeness. Also he told me that he has ALOT to say...it's just that he doesn't have the time when he reads them at work...that plus he actually thinks about what I say..and it takes him time to conceptualize his thoughts. This was all crucial info. It was cool to know.
On a different note..Joshua pulled it out of the hat. I don't know how he does it. He must be psychic. He wrote me the most amazing letter just in the nick of time. I didn't even tell him anything. I didn't say..oh and by the way...I'm getting fed up with the inequity here....And I'm about to just pull out my interests here...He just was great. He explained some crucial info that I was not getting. I didn't know that he reads my e-mail when he comes off the slopes *while* he's still at work...This makes the lack of lengthy response more understandable. And his fingers are still frozen when he's reading them..(This makes a huge difference to me.) And also that he LOVES my letters..and looks forward to them...and reads them. That they brighten his day. This was all awesomeness. Also he told me that he has ALOT to say...it's just that he doesn't have the time when he reads them at work...that plus he actually thinks about what I say..and it takes him time to conceptualize his thoughts. This was all crucial info. It was cool to know.
One more thing...Leslie...I LOVE PANDORA! That is sooooooo coooooooool! Many Thanks. I'm listening to "All Right Baby" by Big Mama Thronton. I can't believe the variety of really good and slightly obscure blues they have!
- Mood:
calm
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