I had a very good and productive day. I didn't get to talk to Bree...but I will...and I got to talk to my Uncle Bob...and I called his daughter Becky...(these are relatives that I haven't really talked to much since my mom got sick.) They weren't very supportive or kind..so I decided it would be better for me and my mom if they weren't in our lives. I figured while I was on a roll dealing with super painfull hard stuff..I might as well just tackle that too...since the momentum was there. Uncle Bob was really glad that I called. He was still not perfect. But I am glad that I extended myself and made the effort to try to create an accord with him and my relatives that I've had a rift with since my mothers illness. It was the first time my mom had talked to her brother in a year. (She didn't want to do it. She really hasn't missed him much.) But she had a short conversation with him...at the end she told him to be nice to me. She stuck up for me, and told him not to give me a hard time. That she loved me and that I do a lot for her...and she wants him to be good to me. It was a very touching moment for me because my mom has been so reliant on me for so long...and I really miss the feeling of having someone..(like my mom)..who will take care of me. Who will have my back. It felt very good to be loved and protected. After she talked to Uncle Bob, we talked about that. I thanked her..and she said: "I love you BIG TIME". And then we talked about some of the harder things that I usually avoid with her. She actually instigated it too. She told me ..when she dies, that it's ok if I don't invite "them" (meaning: Uncle Bob..and the relatives who have not been so nice.) She told me that the only person she really cares about and wants to have invited is George. (and me of course). I had never really imagined her funeral that way. Just me and George. But in a way it seems like a good plan. George has been one of my moms best friends her whole life and mine. I love him like family. When things are at their worst..George is always so supportive and comforting. He has been kinder than my own family. I think facing my mothers death with him by my side, wouldn't be as painful as having the other relatives there.
So all in all it has been a great day for dealing with things that I would never like to face. But here it is...and I have...and I know I am all the better for it.
- Mood:
tired
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