So I Vacillate. What Of It?

July 27th, 2008; 12:31 AM

Current mood:sad

I was just thinking that all of this positive thinking crap and Buddhist philosophy is really just a mask for how I am really feeling. -I feel terrible. I don't want to feel terrible though. Which is why I keep forcing myself to look on the bright side, even if I have to pick myself up and make myself do it every 15 seconds or so. So I appologise for the inconsistencies. I really am trying. I do want to be happy. I just don't know how to feel right now other than how I do. So yeah. I'm a rollercoaster ride of emotions, hope, sadness, despair, and then hope again. I wish I could throw my heart into an oubliette et oublie ma coeur. Alors ma vie serait tres facile et simple.