I feel like I'm a bit bottled up lately. I want to have a life that is so similar to mine...but just a bit different. Those small shifts are what would make my life completely enjoyable...small things. I know I can do them, make them, have them, or create them in my life...I just have to get to it. I want to be healthy physically...which would mean working out at the gym regularly and eating healthy...I can do that.
I also want to surf more...which would mean I would have to finally buy a board...I can do that too!
Research and make a decision about what kind of car I really want...Hybrid? or Biodiesel? I can do that...
Sell the duplex...(gulp) I think I can do that...I would LOVE to never have to deal with that neighborhood again! Ahhh and those section 8 tenants! I would love to never have to deal with them either!!! YESSSSSS!
Fix up the house a bit..I can do that.
Have Mr. Wonderful back again...even better than ever...I think that can be done...??? Who really knows on that one? Patience and honesty are the only keys to that one. But the other day it was encouraging...he stayed up super late talking with me and another friend. He and I used to do that alone all of the time...and this was the first truly late into the evening talk that he just couldn't pull himself away from...and he and I kept talking to eachother in that talk. It was almost as if the third friend had to be there to break the tension and allow the conversation to even happen. But really we just kept talking to eachother...I'm so glad we did. I miss him so much. And I could tell in that moment that he missed me too. Ahhh but isn't it always a bit of two steps forward...one step back, with men? After he opened up that night, it seemed that he had to close up a bit again. (Bah! Stupid men!) ..Actually what I mean is: (Bah! Fabulous Man! Why can't you just let go and unleash your fabulousness all the time! I am eager for it baby!! I await it's return!) *Sigh* But I can tell I have inspired him somewhat...hahaha...he was doing pullups when we were talking...(a thing that he had said he started doing for me before. -I thought it was really cute! ...but then he stopped when I bruised his heart...but then he started again.. while we were talking...which was fabulous!!!) I miss him!
I also want to surf more...which would mean I would have to finally buy a board...I can do that too!
Research and make a decision about what kind of car I really want...Hybrid? or Biodiesel? I can do that...
Sell the duplex...(gulp) I think I can do that...I would LOVE to never have to deal with that neighborhood again! Ahhh and those section 8 tenants! I would love to never have to deal with them either!!! YESSSSSS!
Fix up the house a bit..I can do that.
Have Mr. Wonderful back again...even better than ever...I think that can be done...??? Who really knows on that one? Patience and honesty are the only keys to that one. But the other day it was encouraging...he stayed up super late talking with me and another friend. He and I used to do that alone all of the time...and this was the first truly late into the evening talk that he just couldn't pull himself away from...and he and I kept talking to eachother in that talk. It was almost as if the third friend had to be there to break the tension and allow the conversation to even happen. But really we just kept talking to eachother...I'm so glad we did. I miss him so much. And I could tell in that moment that he missed me too. Ahhh but isn't it always a bit of two steps forward...one step back, with men? After he opened up that night, it seemed that he had to close up a bit again. (Bah! Stupid men!) ..Actually what I mean is: (Bah! Fabulous Man! Why can't you just let go and unleash your fabulousness all the time! I am eager for it baby!! I await it's return!) *Sigh* But I can tell I have inspired him somewhat...hahaha...he was doing pullups when we were talking...(a thing that he had said he started doing for me before. -I thought it was really cute! ...but then he stopped when I bruised his heart...but then he started again.. while we were talking...which was fabulous!!!) I miss him!
On the flip side...Joshua actually apologized to me the other day for "being such a bitch" to me!!! I asked him what time he was referring to ...and he said: "All of them! I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you." -I couldn't believe it! It was an epic moment. Completely unexpected. He was in a really honest mood. He opened up about all of his fears and life and everything...and then he added..."and while I'm at it...I might as well tell you that I love you." It was amazing. I think we might just end up very good friends indeed. I have had the discussion about not having sex anymore with him...and we seem to be doing pretty good...We still cuddle alot. I can't help it! I'm a cuddle whore! I really am! I love to cuddle and have my hair played with...It is so strange redefining the relationship. I am not his girlfriend. I have no intention of ever being his girlfriend. But I do love our friendship. And I know him. I feel comfortable flopping all over him and making him rub my feet. It reminds me quite a bit of how my brothers and I used to flop, and rough-house, and put our feet in eachothers faces and say things like "smell it!"...hahahahaha I hope I can have a gregarious and physical friendship with Joshua, without him thinking there is more to it than that. I think as long as my feet are involved..I'm OK. I also ate a bunch of garlic and didn't brush my teeth..this is probably the first time I've ever consciously had halitosis..I figured it would keep Joshua from wanting to kiss me...hahahaha. So far so good.
- Mood:
cheerful
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