Redemption

• Aug. 10th, 2007 at 2:55 AM

Yipee! I talked to him! Yay! It was hard but really really good! And I think even though he's still quite understandably upset at me...and will be somewhat gaurded with me for a while...he has already said that it probably wouldn't be forever. Much of that depends on my behavior obviously! And he has said...that he does still like me..and does want to be friends. So we have agreed to begin at the beginning. We are starting over. Hitting the refresh button. I don't know what will happen. But I do hope to regain his trust...his friendship..our deep camaraderie...our intimacy...and I hope to have his love one day. We will see.
Joshua and I are over. I have no idea if he is angry at me? I don't even know if Joshua knows? I feel badly for him if he does. He has already been going through the worst streak of luck...and I'm afraid that this would just be the last kick in the gut..that I never wanted him to receive. I do love Joshua...and I do wish him the best. I want him to be truly and deeply happy. And I hope that we will be lifelong friends. -The best of friends. But I don't know if he will forgive me..even though the other guy did. This doesn't read the way it is...so please try not to interpret what I've done. All I can say..is that I lied horribly..(the biggest and most longstanding lies of my life!) And I've finally come clean....and luckily...it looks like I will be forgiven.  The future is wide open for me. I hope it holds the best yet to come! ..The word of tonight is: REDEMPTION! I remember when we had that talk on Tuesday...I was so cold at the end of it. I felt so badly..that my whole body just went cold. I wonder if that was shock? Can someone really die of guilt? -I don't think so...but maybe...Thank God things are headed in the right direction now!

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• Mood:  relieved