Dear La Suprema,
I love you. And I miss you so much. I don't know how to do this without you. I was listening to a book on tape today "The Art of Racing in the Rain". It's about a guy and his dog. The whole story is told from the perspective of the dog, Enzo. It's a good story. And it seems so familiar. The narrative style, the intimacy and play between the dog and his owner. Enzo is old. He's at the end of his life. In the story, Enzo has an accident, and his owner hoists him up into the tub and cleans him up. Cradling him gently. "I wanted him to see the obvious, that it is OK to let me go...He needs me to free him, to be brilliant. He is so brilliant. He shines. I will miss him, and he will miss me, but I can't let sentimentality cloud my plan." He plans on coming back in his next life as a man, and finding his owner, to shake his hand and congratulate him. He has so much faith and love for this person. And it reminds me so much of you, it hurts. It also makes me think of this whole thing in a different way. Maybe, none of this was meant to hurt? Maybe the subtlety and nuances of human communication and understanding, have clouded the message that I am supposed to embrace. Perhaps this dog has it right? Maybe you had to go, to free me. Because you loved me so much. I would never have left you. I would have spent the rest of my life loving you and taking care of you. God I miss you so much. Mac and I have been having some stupid fights. He asked me how I was feeling about Thanksgiving, and if I wanted to talk about it. Usually, I don't. I don't want to talk about it. But I did this time. Compared to last year and the first Thanksgiving without you, this year was better. This year, everything felt like a let down. Pleasant but numb. Last year was a combination of terrible and beautiful. So I guess numb is an upgrade? But I wanted good. I miss family. I miss making you happy and seeing you smile. I miss hugs. I miss having someone who loves me so much, they just light up every time I see them. God I love you. Wherever you are. I love you.
Vanessa
I love you. And I miss you so much. I don't know how to do this without you. I was listening to a book on tape today "The Art of Racing in the Rain". It's about a guy and his dog. The whole story is told from the perspective of the dog, Enzo. It's a good story. And it seems so familiar. The narrative style, the intimacy and play between the dog and his owner. Enzo is old. He's at the end of his life. In the story, Enzo has an accident, and his owner hoists him up into the tub and cleans him up. Cradling him gently. "I wanted him to see the obvious, that it is OK to let me go...He needs me to free him, to be brilliant. He is so brilliant. He shines. I will miss him, and he will miss me, but I can't let sentimentality cloud my plan." He plans on coming back in his next life as a man, and finding his owner, to shake his hand and congratulate him. He has so much faith and love for this person. And it reminds me so much of you, it hurts. It also makes me think of this whole thing in a different way. Maybe, none of this was meant to hurt? Maybe the subtlety and nuances of human communication and understanding, have clouded the message that I am supposed to embrace. Perhaps this dog has it right? Maybe you had to go, to free me. Because you loved me so much. I would never have left you. I would have spent the rest of my life loving you and taking care of you. God I miss you so much. Mac and I have been having some stupid fights. He asked me how I was feeling about Thanksgiving, and if I wanted to talk about it. Usually, I don't. I don't want to talk about it. But I did this time. Compared to last year and the first Thanksgiving without you, this year was better. This year, everything felt like a let down. Pleasant but numb. Last year was a combination of terrible and beautiful. So I guess numb is an upgrade? But I wanted good. I miss family. I miss making you happy and seeing you smile. I miss hugs. I miss having someone who loves me so much, they just light up every time I see them. God I love you. Wherever you are. I love you.
Vanessa
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