Millie Meets Mr. Piccolo and The Cute Boy

I got to see Millie yesterday! And it was so good for my heart. It felt like coming home. Isn't it funny how the people we love the most in life, have that wonderful feeling of *home*. Just holding them, smiling, and being in their presence, is like a thousand home-cooked meals, Christmas mornings, and fires in the fireplace all wrapped up in one simple hug.  The Cute Boy and I went to the dog park with Mr. Piccolo 

and afterwards, we stopped by the nursing home that Millie is in. We brought Mr. Piccolo in to meet her, and immediately, all of the old people in the living room perked up when they saw "the puppy". There were so many smiling and eager faces. Even the woman who runs the place, came out to see him. We went to Millie's room to visit. And she sat down on the bed and cradled Mr. Piccolo. He didn't squirm or try to get away. In fact, he just relaxed and settled in. He was tuckered out from all of his running and playing at the dog park. And there's something about the energy of old people. It's sweet and safe. Calm and comforting. Ceci knew that Millie's arms were a safe place to be in and rest, so he closed his eyes and took a nap. 

"I want a puppy." Millie said. It's a universal truth shared between children and old people -everyone wants a puppy. When you let down your guard, and are open to what your heart really wants...at the end of the day, don't be surprised if "Puppy" is on the list. 

I told Millie that I would bring him back to visit again. Some time this week, I'm going to go back and paint her nails. She was really excited about this prospect. I realize my nail colors are a little limited right now. I just got 3 awesome O.P.I nail colors from a makeup artist friend of mine who was clearing out her stash. But they're all unusual and youthful colors like blue and milky white, named things like "Club Scene Queen". "Club Scene Queen" -that would be perfect for Millie wouldn't it? ;) I'll bring all of my colors and let her pick whatever she likes. She's getting up there in years now; in her upper ninety's. I think a little metallic disco blue would be nice. 

Overcoming Obstacles: The Foreclosure & Being Robbed

So many things have happened to me since I last posted. I'm surprised that the blog has kept a fair amount of readers coming back. To those of you who just kept coming back, and perusing my older posts...thanks.

I wasn't exactly sure where to begin, with what has been going on with my life. And that initial "not knowing where to start"  quickly became overwhelmed and just deep-bone-tired. I didn't want to look back at what I had just gone through. It was too painful and too fresh. I just wanted to move forward with my life and just keep going. But even those intentions seemed to befuddle me. I've been waiting to write, so that when I did, it would be something positive. Something useful. I didn't want to seem like a sad or broken person. Or like someone who whined a lot or was constantly down. So I waited. I waited for the wisdom and the beauty of life to occur to me. I waited to see the deeper life lessons that could be gleaned from tragedy. I know they're there. But honestly. I am a little wounded. The things that I've been through *did* hurt. A lot. And they still do. Don't feel sorry for me folks, 'cause I'm making it through just fine. But denying the pain of it, just isn't helping me any. So it's time I just get back to trying to be real. The real me. With everything that entails. -Including being hurt and sad at times. So here it is: my childhood home, a place which should be mine today, was foreclosed on. The bank refused to speak with me, after my mother died, and refused to acknowledge me as the rightful owner. They wouldn't accept any payments from me. And in the end, stole my family home. A place, where my grandparents lived and died. A place where my own mom, lived and died. A place where in some ways I have lived and died a little too.

I never thought I would see this day; when my home was not my *home* anymore. The word "home" has so many connotations. And I've been struggling with it ever since the move. When my mother died, I struggled with it then too. I didn't feel like that house was home anymore, without her there. It was hard coming home to an empty house, with no one to greet me, and no one to love. The place that I live in now, is so different. The people are very different, and not very warm in the way my family was. So it's hard. I miss that. I miss feeling like "I belong" here, and that "this is my home" because my heart tells me so. My heart keeps telling me that this current place is not my home. It's just a temporary place. A tent in the desert..but not the promised land. I know that I should be grateful for what I've been given, and I am. I just also, feel very alone and adrift right now. And I *want* to feel that wonderful feeling of *home* again. The feeling of love, and warmth, and comfort. It has very little to do with the actual house really, and so much to do with the people. -I miss my family. Deeply. Every day.

I am loved. I know that. And I do experience joy, and happiness. But not in the same quantities or frequent daily occasions that I used to. Not to the same depths either. It's a hard adjustment to make. And I get stuck on how to appropriately express this grief, while not insulting those who actually do love me and are here for me. -I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I know that I do. Just by being sad, I do.

Somewhere in this whole ordeal, I was robbed. The robbers took everything of value. It's been several months since this happened, and the things that they stole that I was most upset about (my grandparent's wedding photo's) -which I'm sure they weren't *trying* to take, but unfortunately were stored with other things that they did want; have luckily been replaced! How can a wedding photo be replaced you ask? Well I'll tell ya! Luckily for me, in an old antique chest in the garage, my grandparents had ONE duplicate copy of their wedding picture inside the church

...and to my surprise...ANOTHER photo that was taken of them *outside* the church!

YAY! Awesome discovery!!! Also...since my mother was adopted, I thought for sure I would never get another copy of her birth parent's wedding photo...but because it was an adoption within the family (the woman I know as my grandma was biologically my great-aunt) there was a copy of that photo given as a gift to my grandparents. :)) YES!

So the most priceless things have been replaced. The diamonds, the gold, the money, the china, the furniture, the antique silver, my photography and computer equipment are all replaceable. Sure it won't be the exact same pair of earrings that my mom gave me, to remind me always that "you are special".  But it doesn't need to be. I know I'm loved. I know I am special. And I know that I will make it through this period of my life and onto greater things. And when I do...I am getting myself a pair of diamond earrings to celebrate. In the mean time...I'm back, I've got my fighting spirit back, and I'm ready to enjoy what there is to enjoy about life.

...Just for good measure...I'm including another awesome photo I discovered in the trunk:

This is my Grandpa when he was a little boy. The year is 1922. The woman with him is his mom, Edith. From what I've been told, Edith was a very loving woman. She used to make fresh whipped cream (whipped by HAND in those days!) EVERY DAY to go with whatever dessert she made. Talk about love!

Day Fourteen and Fifteen of the Juice Fast

Day Fourteen and fifteen...Well... I took a couple of days off. I had an IUD inserted yesterday. After being in a monogamous relationship for a while, and deciding that I really *don't* want kids any time in the next couple of years, I decided to go ahead and get an IUD inserted. 

IUD's have come a long way since the sexual revolution of the 70's, when they were relatively new in this country and the kinks weren't completely worked out. I recall my mother warning me to never get an IUD because they could cause infertility and all sorts of problems in a woman's uterus. -A truly horrifying place to have problems! 

When I went to my primary care physician and requested an IUD, she told me that I would have to sign up for a class about long-term contraception, be tested for Chlamydia (don't ask why that specific STI test is administered...It's just standard issue for getting an IUD, they want to make sure that you don't have *any* STI's but especially that one, as I hear it can cause inflammation in your uterus which is a particularly bad combination with an IUD.) And lastly, I had to make sure I wasn't pregnant. Then, once all of that was done, I could schedule the insertion for the tail end of my next period. They like to put them in then because a woman's cervix is most dilated after her period, which makes for a slightly easier insertion, especially among women who have never had a child (me!).The procedure only took about 15 minutes, but was one of the most uncomfortable few moments of my life to date. When the Dr. actually pushed through my cervix, I had to grip the table. There was this very sweet nurse who kept telling me to relax...that tensing up would make everything tighter and therefore more painful. She asked me what I liked to do to relax...I told her I liked to get a massage. So she suggested that I imagine that this was just like getting a massage. HA! That idea was so funny to me, I couldn't help but laugh. Yes...this is *exactly* like getting a massage...in my uterus...by a stranger...with a speculum, and an IUD insertion tool. Yep. Just like a day at the spa. ;p For the briefest of moments, I thought "Geeze if this is how painful it is to have something as small as a pea go through your cervix, I don't want kids!" I mean, I cannot imagine how painful that would be. When it was done, the Dr. did an ultrasound to make sure that the IUD was in place, and then I was free to go. I felt nauseated and crampy. On our way out to the car, the Cute Boy held my hand, and said he really felt for all of the pain and stuff that women had to go through. "You women do a lot. You have to go through a lot. I'm thankful for all that you do.". Hearing that made me feel better. It was comforting to have a teammate who appreciated the physical sacrifices and responsibilities that women go through. I know, I have a good man. 

When we got home, I made some horribly inedible tortillas and had a small bowl of beans. Then I fed my hockey puck of flatbread to the dogs, and relaxed with a heating pad. I could feel the tissues around my uterus were inflamed and hard, and I marveled at the fact that my uterus (an almost imaginary thing to me...like unicorns, and the tooth fairy) was actually real...AND it was exactly where they had always told me it was. I've never had a baby, never felt anything grow. or push. or stretch there...so to actually feel it (my ute) was kind of amazing and cool. 

So I took yesterday off from the juice fast and just recovered and relaxed. That extended into today, as I was still feeling a bit crampy and tired. But tomorrow, I'm back on it. At my weigh in at the doctor's office, I discovered that I had lost another two pounds. Which is all pretty encouraging. I'm finally beginning to poop normally and feel better from the inside. So progress is still coming along, and I feel pretty good about that. 

Things I learned today:

1. It's OK to take a break to take care of yourself.
2. The Cute Boy continues to impress me and I feel very happy with him by my side in life.
3. If I didn't have health insurance, getting an IUD would have cost me somewhere around $1,000 -for something that is little more than a small piece of mass produced plastic with a little string attached! I think it's completely crazy and just flat out wrong that women often times have to inequitably shoulder the expense, the responsibility, and the pain of contraception, childbirth, and child rearing. There needs to be a cultural revolution to change this. 

Day Thirteen of the Juice Fast

Today, I cooked. I'm still juicing today, but I felt in control enough to actually set to work in the kitchen and make two big pots of ox tail stew with fresh pinto beans. They're on the stove right now cooking over a low simmer, and should be done in about three more hours. I haven't made this recipe since I was a teenager, but I felt confident that I could still make it from scratch, seeing as it was a general staple in my house growing up. My grandparents, who are originally from the Southwest and lived for many years in Colorado, had a large pot of this on their stove year round. It's actually a pretty healthy and tasty dish. It's filling and provides a lot of plant based protein, so I'm making it for my Cute Boy to nosh on while I continue on with the juice fast. 

For dinner, I also made him some light fluffy scrambled eggs and oatmeal buttermilk pancakes. I'm freezing the rest so he and the 'mates can have quick easy healthy breakfasts available. 

Now one would think that all of this cooking would send me into a rabid food frenzy, but strangely, it's just the opposite. I love to cook. Moreover, I love to feed and nourish the people that I love. It makes me feel good to take good care of them. I will admit, it's a comfort to me. It's one of the more pleasant memories and habits that formed over the  many years I spent caring for, and fattening up my terminally ill mother. And now that she's gone, it comforts me to be able to cook for others. I guess in some way, some part of me, imagines that she is still here somewhere...waiting for dinner. :) (Oh how I wish!) But even though she's not here to taste the food, I can still picture what she would say if she were here. She'd smell the fresh garlic and onions cooking, and turn the stew with the ladle to see how it was coming along. And right after her first bite, she'd say with enthusiasm "MmmmMmmm Mmmmmmm!" And now, the Cute Boy does it; and that fills my cup with love. 

An interesting side note about juicing in the midst of a kitchen full of tasty rich smells and food...the freshness of the juice was actually very nice. And I found myself happy to have it instead of something heavy. 

Things I learned today:

1. Juicing continues to get easier. 
2. Cooking gives me comfort and helps me de-stress, even if the food is not consumed by me. 
3. My heart needs people to love and people to feed. I guess this means I have the soul of a true cook. :)

Day Twelve of the Juice Fast

Day Twelve...and admittedly, I wasn't feeling the greatest today. My acid was up and I ended up puking at the end of the day, after struggling not to for several hours. Also, my skin is breaking out today. I find it hard to believe that this is all from yesterday's free day...but I think it is. :p 

The Cute Boy and I stocked up on fresh produce, and less acidic fruits and vegetables for tomorrow's juice. in the meanwhile, I took my acid suppressor today, and I plan on making my juices slightly more vegetable and less fruit to cut down additionally on the acid. 

On the plus side, I found myself cooking today. I'm not going to eat any of it, but I realized after a slightly stressful day with the dog trainer and hounds...and getting chastised for my lack of control over my dogs, I was completely frazzled and stressed out. I needed to unwind. Now normally when I feel this way, I would make something delicious to eat and have it. But since I've been on the juice fast, I've stayed largely away from the kitchen and food, unless I was preparing my juices. I like to cook though. It's relaxing for me. And the absence of it from my life these past weeks has been building up stress. Mainly because I haven't started developing alternative means of de-stressing in my life. So...I've got to work on that. -Tomorrow, I'll put some thought into it. But right now, I'm thinking walking the dogs, bike riding, and going to the gym are good ways of relaxing instead of cooking and eating. 

Tonight, however, I put the oats and buttermilk to soak over night for the pancakes tomorrow morning. And I also cleaned and sorted a big bag of pinto beans, which are currently soaking over night as well. The Cute Boy is going to have some tasty/healthy grub come tomorrow. 

Things I learned today:

1. Yeah...I can eat whatever I want on my free days...but I should know by now that if I eat junk food, my body will only spaz out on it and create nausea inducing stomach acid. Next time, eat light.
2. Cooking has been a way for me to relax all these years. 
3. I need to find better methods of relaxation that are not so food oriented. 
4. When all else fails...take a nap. You'll feel better, I swear.

Day Eleven my first free day

I'm counting this as day eleven of my juice fast, even though (yes I know) I was not juice fasting today...this was my free day. Since it's past midnight here...I am back on the juice fast.

So free day. I know that this may be a touchy issue with some of you. There are a lot of people who say that you absolutely MUST break a fast in a certain way. Some common advice on how to "properly" break a fast that I found on the Internet is:

• Make the period of time that you take to gradually reintroduce foods into your diet approximately half the time that you were on the fast. So, since I've been juicing for ten days, that would be a five day period to slowly break the fast; during which, I would be slowly introducing fresh fruit and vegetables, then light foods like soups, broths, and smoothies. 
• Don't rush or eat a large heavy meal.

As far as I can find, the worst thing that will actually happen to you if you don't follow this advice is flatulence, nausea, constipation, stomach ache, vomiting and diarrhea. ...And I was willing to risk it. I had cravings that would only shut up if I promised that I would eat some pickles, root beer and a taco today. Going from pretty much eating whatever I wanted, to just fresh fruit and vegetable juice was amazingly difficult. And I only came this far BECAUSE I allowed myself this free day. Now I'm not good at restraint. This is a skill that I am learning and building within myself, so who knows where I'll be with this down the road? In a few weeks or months, I may feel differently about this. But this is a journey that I will experience first hand. And right now, I need my free days. I don't think I gained weight today. But I also know that I didn't lose any either. So free days are basically a wash. They serve as a way for me to take a break from the austerity of fasting and also allow me to continue on for longer periods of juicing. (At least..that's what I think of them today.)

So what did I eat? -Everything. I had: an egg sandwich, 7 Pizza Bites, 3 Bagel Bites, a taco, a bean burrito with extra onions, a grilled cheese sandwich, HALF a jar of pickles, two liters of diet root beer, a slice of pizza, some jalapeño chips, a sip of cherry icee, and a handful of skittles. So all in all a pretty horrible day diet wise. It tasted great but had almost no nutritional value. But what I was really testing out was how would my body respond? Would I be doubled over in pain? Would explosions of diarrhea come flying out of my ass? The answer is: No. I was fine. I felt pretty much the same. Not tip top yet, but not horrible either. I did notice that I got full with much less food. Nothing too dramatic. A good example would be dinner; it had been about 3 hours since I had eaten, and I ended up having one slice of pizza for dinner (and I couldn't even finish the slice!). Now granted...this is a monstrously large, deep-dish, Chicago-style pizza. But still...before this juice fast, I could have easily eaten two slices, plus a salad. And now, I was full for the rest of the evening on one slice. This is not too bad. I had a lot of different foods, but most of it was in very small portions. I pretty much grazed my way through the last twenty-four hours, and my tummy is no worse for the wear. I think this may be because I am in a way still digesting and drinking juice, so it's not like my body is going from complete nothing to digesting a shoe. I plan on trying a more traditional "break" from the fast in the future. I'm curious to see how it will fare compared to today?

Things I learned today:

1. Contrary to what many, many, many people will say on the interwebs; you CAN break a fast and just start eating. Nothing truly horrible happens. The worst that might happen is an upset tummy and some gas. But even that doesn't always happen. I do think that the more traditional way of breaking a fast, slowly, and by gradually introducing small amounts of lean healthy foods into your diet, probably IS the best way to do it. I'm just saying that if you don't do it that way, and just rush out and get some Taco Bell...nothing really happens. At least...nothing really happened to me. Who knows about you?
2. Nathan's Kosher pickles are not only delicious. But they also only have 5 calories each, making them an awesome guilt-free snack. 
3. Towards the end of my free day I actually did crave juice and fresh water. 
4. My eyes are always bigger then my stomach. 

Day Ten of the juice fast

I made it through day TEN! YES! 

The last few days, I've been pouring over the Internet adding new pins to my Pinterest "Food" board. It's become an amalgamation of fresh healthy food and heavenly cardiac arrest food. One of my favorite new sites that I found was http://norecipes.com; upon which I found the egg sandwich image on the right, which inspired me to want to make it. 

This evening, the Cute Boy and I went shopping in preparation for tomorrow's free day. OMG! I had it all planned out...I wanted to make an egg sandwich. My eggs, would be my masterpiece. I was going to really take my time making them. I was going to enjoy this. I was going to slowly whisk together fresh eggs with milk, butter, salt and pepper. Then cook them over low heat so that the eggs get extra fluffy and creamy. Then...there was supposed to be a light buttery croissant, cut in half, upon which would sit my perfect eggs, and smooth meaty spears of avocado, fresh diced tomatoes, and a sprinkle of Diamond Kosher Salt on top to bring out the flavor of the avocado and tomato. UGH! I had really thought this out. But then...the store was out of edible avocados. They had some that were beat up and mush, and then they had a bag of rock hard ones...which would not be ready tomorrow. Now at this point, looking back, I can see what I *should have done* was get what I needed, and then go to a different store for the avocado. Duh. But what I ended up doing was chuck that idea completely and I headed to the frozen food aisle, where I got a box of sausage egg breakfast croissants. 

Along the way...I also picked up fixin's to make my famous oatmeal buttermilk pancakes! Everyone in the house is looking forward to a pancake breakfast tomorrow...with freshly squeezed OJ. ;) I also got a package of Bagel Bites AND Totino's Pizza Bites. I haven't had Bagel Bites since I was a kid, and I've never had the latter before but the cravings that I've been having have driven them to the forefront of my imagination. The strange thing is, under normal circumstances, I know that I wouldn't be buying the pizza bites. Egg sammich -yeah guilty. That is one of my most favorite comfort foods in the world. Oh...I also got some bread and cheese to make grilled cheese sandwiches...and some peanut butter in case I felt like making a peanut butter and marmalade sandwich. I honestly don't know what I was thinking...except that I wanted to "eat all the food" and I couldn't make up my mind what I wanted to have. As we loaded up the groceries, I told the Cute Boy that he would probably have to eat most of this stuff by himself, after my free day. He understood and was willing to take that bullet for me...cause he's awesome like that...and this shit tastes good even if it's not good for you. By the time I got home, I realized what a blessing this shopping trip really was. I'm not too worried about the next few days. I know that I'm going be fine having a free day and then getting back on the juice fast again. What I did realize though  was how I was going to have to actually "practice" planning, shopping, and cooking healthfully. So most definitely, towards the end of my juice fast...I can see clearly that I'm going to work in cooking. I also see the value in the free days because they're not only pressure release valves, but also very valuable test runs for my life after the fast. So clearly...I've got a long way to go before I have a handle on these things. But I am working on it. and gleaning all lessons (both intended and accidental) along the way. 

Things I learned today:

1. Free days are excellent test runs for the real thing: aka. life after the juice fast.

Day Nine of the juice fast

Holy smokes! One more day to go, and it's my free day!!! :) I am in the home stretch here! Yes! Today was actually pretty easy. I woke up early this morning, even though I went to bed late last night. And for the record...this is the ONLY daylight savings time "Spring forward" that I have ever enjoyed. I usually feel a little robbed losing an hour. But since it came during my juice fast this year...getting one hour closer to my free day is A-OK with me. :)) 

Apart from some minor acid this morning, I felt great! My energy was good today. It seems that as this fast goes on, I find myself waking up early in the morning, wide awake, *with* energy. It's something that I remember from childhood...but has largely eluded me in adulthood. I feel perfectly rested, and like it's just *time* (as in my body feels like it actually is eager to get up). At first, I fought this feeling. I was sure that I needed more sleep, and would try to actually go back to sleep. But as it keeps happening, and the volume on my daily energy keeps getting turned up more and more...I'm beginning to realize that this is a side effect from the juice fast. 

I feel pretty good about my plans for food and protein intake. And I plan on posting pics as soon as I go out and get some batteries for my camera. 

Things I learned today:

1. Red juice (from beets, red cabbage, kale, and apples) is a little fun AND gross to drink while watching "The Walking Dead" (it's my favorite zombie show on TV!)
2. Planning for ultimate victory, includes planning for some treats along the way, and a healthy long-term diet. 
3. That *not* being completely austere about this is a part of my long-term success. 
4. It feels really good to keep the juicing station I've set up in the kitchen clean and ready for action at a moments notice. I've set up a nice large butcher block cutting board. On it, I keep a chef's knife, and the cleaning tool for the juicer; and next to that is my juicer and salad spinner for washing greens. 

Day Eight of the Juice Fast

sSo yesterday was day EIGHT! And I made it through! I even sniffed my housemate's pizza, and admired how nice it looked. OK so I know that sounds silly...and like I MUST be jonesing for a pizza if I'm *sniffing* it like a drug...but I just wanted to enjoy the smell. with out having to indulge in the actual pizza itself. -And I did! Being able to pass on foods that would usually send me spiraling into a mass craving attack is a skill that I am *actively developing* in myself...and that's pretty cool as far as I'm concerned. This kind of stuff has historically NOT been my forte. But I'm getting better at it and learning so much through this juice fast. 

All in all, the juice fast it's self went really well yesterday, and was one of the easiest days so far. I had very minor cravings, which were easily re-focused and re-directed. I enjoyed the taste of my juices. And overall felt really well. I did have a moment of sadness, when someone posted this meme on Facebook about moms. It went like this: 

The last part about being willing to give everything up for my Mom to be here with me really got to me. I realize in a way, I have given everything up, but that doesn't bring back a loved one. The tears welled up inside of me and poured out, as I contemplated all of those adult years ahead of me -a vast stretch of time to me, where my mom wouldn't be around. I grieved the loss of the adult relationship, that we will never have the chance to have. And there's some really good stuff there. It makes me sad to think about all of those milestones and victories that my mom will not be here to share with me and my family. I miss her so much. And I love her so much. Where ever she is, I love her bigtime. Man...I WISH that I could go over to my mom's house and see her. I WISH that when I get married some day that my mom would be there laughing, dancing, and celebrating with me. (So I guess I'll just have to imagine that that's what she's doing in heaven on that day.) I WISH that she would gently and proudly hold and sway and dance with her grandchildren and tell them how loved and how beautiful they are and how proud of them she is. I know my mom well. I know, that if she was alive and healthy, if her disease had never taken her life, that she would be doing all of these things. I miss her so much. She had a kind of magic and love that I really miss. 

Anyhoo...I just want to say...that this diet isn't a magic cure-all for never feeling sad again. I did feel very sad. But I also, cried and let it go, and then felt better. -So no *depression* after feeling momentarily sad. Which is pretty effin' cool! I also didn't go running to food to comfort myself. Which was also very cool. 

Yesterday, I got a chance to talk with one of my best friends about the juice fast, which was really nice. She had so many good questions and we talked back and forth about our mutual issues with food and cravings and how we relate with food. She inspired me to keep making positive strides towards my good health. Let me just say, I LOVE talking with my friends about things like this. I get so much feedback and learn so much from what their experiences are. Plus, many times, they have a perspective that is a little bit different from mine, and they teach me the things that they have already learned. -Which is very helpful. So thanks! :)

After our chat, I got on the interwebs and started looking at YouTube videos of other people who have done juice fasts. Wow! There are a lot of them out there. The thing that struck me about quite a number of them, were the unhealthy pallor that many of the juicers took on after doing extended juice fasting. Their skin did NOT look like mine. In the last week, my skin has become markedly better. It's more radiant. It's not perfect by a long shot, but I can tell over time, that my acne will be much better after doing this for a few more weeks. A lot of them had also lost substantial muscle tone -which is something that I want to avoid at all costs. I have a long history of weight lifting. It's something that I really enjoy and I plan on not only maintaining the muscle that I have, but on building more of it while doing this juice fast. One more thing that came up while I was looking at these videos was the strict and restrictive approach that many of these people had. It was like they expected to consume nothing but juice for 30, 90, 100 days...and then eat nothing but raw fruits and vegetables. Which struck me as totally crazy and untenable. No wonder so many people aren't able to stick to this for long. My goal is to keep on doing this juice fast until: 1. my GI Tract issues are resolved. I want to be off of my medication for these things, I want to feel good in my body, no more intestinal or abdominal pain, no more vomiting, no more chronic diarrhea, and I would like for my labs to be normal.  My secondary goal is weight loss. I want to be healthy. So far, I am well on my way to achieving all of these goals and it feels good to be making progress in a positive direction in my life. But I really have to come up with a plan for my juice fast. I am nearing the 10 day point. My initial goal when I saw the "Fat Sick and Nearly Dead" documentary was to just juice like the truck driver until I was in shape. But after a few days, I switched my goal to doing 10 days. At which point, I will have a free day and then get back on the juice fast. I am tossing around a few ideas and am trying to figure out how I want to do this. What I'm thinking about doing (and most likely will) is incorporating several ideas that I have learned over the years, from "Body for Life" and also my years as a McDougall vegetarian. 

So...from "Body for Life"...I'm pretty much going to do the whole weight lifting and fitness regime. Weight lifting 3 days a week, and doing cardio on the off days, with one free day a week, where I don't have to exercise AND I can eat WHATEVER I WANT for 24 hours. :) I'm building up slowly to this goal and beginning with walking the dogs and going to the gym 3 times a week. Eventually I'll get up to 6 days a week. The idea of a free day seems so important to me though. I remember that it really helped me stick to the diet before. It was like a little mental trick, I knew I could eat healthfully because all I had to do was make it to Sunday and then I could have whatever special treat I wanted. And one day of eating what you want, will not stop weight loss. If anything it makes long-term healthy eating something that is actually *doable* because you have space for cravings and eating what ever you like without judgement or feeling bad. It's like a planned pressure release, so that I don't feel "deprived". The other thing that I was thinking about is doing one week of juice fasting, and one week of eating McDougall and juicing, and switching back and forth. I may end up doing this if simply juicing feels too restrictive. But I'm setting this up as the perimeter of my diet, so that I can fall back to it as a contingency plan if I need to, but also so that I continue on with my juice fast in some way. One other thing that I am thinking about is incorporating soy-based protein shakes because I really DON'T want to lose muscle. I don't want to end this thing looking gaunt and pale and like a good stiff wind will knock me over. I want to be radiant and healthy. Strong and full of energy. So, if I notice that I'm losing muscle, or if building muscle becomes too hard on this diet (which it *may* because I'm not eating very much protein...there is *some* protein in some of the vegetables that I am juicing...but who knows if it'll be enough to maintain healthy muscle tone?) I guess we'll just have to see and make adjustments as needed to address the issue of muscle building. Anyhoo...these are the things that I'm playing around with in my head. But I want to come up with a clear plan so that I am not just at the sway of my momentary instincts/cravings. So I'll be thinking about it. And have the plan in place by the end of day 10...which is TOMORROW!!!! YES! I am so excited. 

Things I learned today:

1. Juice tastes SO much better with a few ice cubes in it. Room temperature juice just isn't the same.
2. Talking with friends makes juicing easier and is a good way of getting feedback and ideas. My friends have a lot of wisdom to share. I bet yours do too!
3. The cravings really do get easier.
4. I'm paying more attention to the emotional connection to eating now. And noticing how stress cues my body to eat comfort food. -But not any more....I'm also noticing how I can change that, once I am aware of it, and the underlying emotional causes. SWEET!
5. I have to have a plan that includes enough protein to build muscle. Period. 
6. I also have to have an eating plan that is something that I can enjoy long-term. 

Day Seven of the juice fast

I could hear a strange grinding coming from the kitchen. My normally powerful juicer sounded like it was going toe to toe with a tree stump. 

"Are you breaking my juicer?" I could hear the motor grinding in the other room.

"WHAAAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU." [he shuts off the motor] It's all right. Don't worry.

a few minutes later the Cute Boy enters the room bringing me my juice. "How is it?" he asks.

"Ugh. It's bitter. What was that noise in there?"

"Oh some of those pears you bought were really hard and were getting caught in the juicer."

"Pears??? I don't think I bought any pears?"

The Cute Boy goes into the kitchen and emerges once again holding a small, hard, unripe mango. And that would explain why this morning's juice is horribly bitter. I decide to roll with it. I'm going to just drink it quickly and wash it down with some water. On the plus side, it has instantly killed any and all cravings I've had for other things. I love my Cute Boy. He may not know much about produce, but he's learning, and he is so loving and sweet to me, I find myself laughing with him and enjoying the ride daily. Anyhoo... back to juicing. The green mango made the juice today extremely bitter and I'll just say it...was the kind of fiber that kept me running to the bathroom several times today. So noted. Check. No more green mangoes...unless you're constipated. 

For much of today, my cravings were at bay. They really came up when I took a walk past some restaurants around dinner time. OMG. BIG MISTAKE. I made it home to find one of the menfolk chowing down on a large sandwich...the scent of roasted meat wafted up to me and tickled my tummy. I drooled over his sandwich and headed to the juice machine. I brought out my arsenal of fruits and veggies, and took a look at my composition before I juiced it. It was beautiful. Such a large array of colors! I juiced them together and poured my green juice into my glass. It tasted fresh, and made me think of being on vacation in a tropical place. After just a few sips, I was back in control. I'm realizing that I'm going too far between juices. If I juice regularly I don't get hungry and want to binge on...EVERYTHING. But if I go too long (more than 4 hours) then I feel tempted by things that I can handle otherwise. I was actually hungry when this happened and it was the only big craving that I had today. I'm  wondering if I increase the number of juices that I make will the cravings diminish even more? (I think so...so I'm going to try that tomorrow.) 

Things I learned today:

1. Never ever juice an un-ripe mango. Period. 
2. It's better to err on the side of having too many juices then not enough. Keeping your body fed and satisfied really helps diminish cravings and helps you stay on track. 
3. All of the times that my Grandpa smiled warmly and ate our bad food or drank our bad coffee...and then thanked us and told us how good it was...and encouraged us to keep cooking...leading to our *eventual* culinary skill. -He did that because he loved us BIGTIME. And I'm glad that he taught me that skill. Not every juice that we've made so far have been "good". I've made a few, where the Cute Boy smiled and told me how good it was. And when he made me the green mango juice today, I had to do the same.