How Do You Deal With A Misogynistic Pig?

Imagine that you are a woman. Now picture yourself engaged in a conversation with a man who says things to you like "You ask too many questions.". Someone who speaks over you when you are talking or makes a hand puppetting gesture like a person's mouth opening and closing "yap, yap, yap, yap, yap" in the background, while you are speaking. He does this often. Not because you actually *do* ask too many questions, or speak too much, but because he is the type of person who doesn't respect women, period. What he would prefer, is for you to sit quietly and attentively, eyes sparkling with interest, mouth pert in a quasi-enthusiastic smile, while he tells his stories. At the end, you laugh. On cue. And tell him how funny/smart/right/etc. he is. Now this guy isn't a jerk (all the time). He can actually be quite nice. But underlying that, is a general disrespect and hostility towards women. ...So what's a girl to do?

I want to play well with others...but what does one do, when one is faced with someone who doesn't play well with *you*? How do you handle it?

The men in my life that I am close to, tend to have this amazing quality of just being able to shrug it off and mentally (if not out loud as well) just say "Fuck him. He's being an asshole." -Which is true. He *is* being an asshole. But so what? That still doesn't cover my part of this equation. What do *I* do about it? I want to posses the same type of strong, level-headed comportment that my cousin, Mark does. He's a career military man, a Marine. And I have noticed the way he interacts with people. He is the type of guy who enters a room full of strangers, and will take the time to smile, look each person in the eye, while shaking their hand firmly and making sure to introduce himself politely and make sure that he has their name. He is strong but gentle. And I don't think that someone like the previously mentioned fellow, would ever dare to disrespect him. But maybe I'm wrong? Maybe he would? That part doesn't really matter though. I know that I cannot *make* people be nice to me. But what I really want to master in my life is control over my emotional state, so that when they do act like jerks, *I* am not reduced to tears, or eaten up by it in later hours...always wondering what I could have done differently to make history not happen. To make that interaction more pleasant and respectful for all. I am learning that I have to let that idea go. Into each life a little rain (and the occasional jerk) must fall. The big lesson for me is to learn how to handle *myself* in those situations. And how to feel good about it afterwards.

...So in this situation, I did stand up for myself. I did say "I do not ask too many questions." and I also tried to placate the situation and make nice by laughing it off and making a joke of it. But inside I felt like I had been run over. I can expect this situation to arise again because like I said, this person's problem is that they have a problem with women...and I am a woman. No getting around that sir. So sorry for my genitalia, or lack thereof. I have decided to try and think of good models for the type of strength that I would like to posses. Kind of like "What would Jesus do?" only it's more like..."What would my cousin Mark do?" or "What would Tecumseh do?"...or "What would my Grandma or Grandpa do?" ...and one of the things that I *know* they *wouldn't* do, is take crap from a person like that. I'm not sure how they would stand up against it but I know it would be dealt with and would not be ignored or woven into a part of everyday life, that's for sure.

Act of Valor

I actually saw "Act of Valor" last night with the dudes. (T'was a dude pick) The first 20 minutes were slow and I found myself feeling a bit like I had paid $10 to see a propaganda film that the U.S. government should have been paying *me* to watch. But once the action picked up, I found myself actually liking *parts* of it and thinking more deeply about the roles of our civic leaders and how that interacts with military. One of the things that I really took away was that the Navy Seals portrayed in this film were actually pretty good guys. They did not want to go to war, were not blood thirsty mercenaries, and if left well alone, would have been more than happy to live their lives in peace and service to their country and families. That ultimately, what they really wanted was peace and safety. Now this is either true, or one of the most influential pieces of propaganda that I've ever seen with my own eyes. Either way, it got me thinking about leadership and responsibility. And what occurred to me, was that our politicians weren't as driven as the men and women of our military, to be honest and to shoulder the responsibility (good or bad) for the outcome of their decisions. They actually seem compelled by the political structure of our country and how we integrate media into that mix, to lie and be deceitful about who they really are and what they really think. And when they make a mistake or leave someone waving in the wind all alone, political strategy would dictate that it would be a preferable course of action, to attempt to deflect and distance. To pretend that it was not them, who made the mistake. To find somebody else to blame. I'm sure you can see the problems that arise from this. We are living through them today. We are living in a world that often times seems lacking in humanistic values. Where mistakes are made -and repeated multiple times because no one is willing to take responsibility when things go wrong and say "OK this isn't working, we need to change somethings." Caring about one another, being compassionate, and working together to help create the solutions to our world's problems is everyone's responsibility. It's hard work embracing this type of ideology, but I think it is what will lead us to the collective outcome that we would all want: world peace. Or at least a world with less poopy stuff.

And at the end of the movie last night, I was introduced to a lovely poem by Chief Tecumseh, which I will leave you with to ponder. I love it. ...I may even frame it above my desk to inspire me daily. Here it is:

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.

Trouble no one about their religion;

respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours.

Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.

Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people.

Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,

even a stranger, when in a lonely place.

Show respect to all people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living.

If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.

Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools

and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled

with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep

and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.

Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

~Chief Tecumseh, Shawnee Nation