My Grandma wasn't the kind of woman that everyone could appreciate. In a lot of ways, she was a hidden treasure. Not because she hid herself...but more...because the culture we live in doesn't tend to gravitate towards the quieter ones. She was amazing, smart, funny, and cool. When I feel the pressure of life pushing down hard on me, I think of her and try to emulate her. Sort of like "What Would Jesus Do?"...only it's more like "What Would Grandma Do?" (no offense JC...you're pretty cool too...it's just this old lady really had it going on).
Grandma was one of the younger children. She grew up in the southwest, on a farm. She had a bunch of siblings, most of them older than her. Her mother, was a notoriously hard woman. She was known for her fits of temper and rage. Her father, was a quiet man. Kind to his children. But submissive to his wife's anger. Cacimira had a right to be angry. Life had not been fair to her. She was smart. And as a child held much promise. But one day of acting out in school...a school where her father was the headmaster, shamed him so much, that he punished her forever. She was never allowed to go to school again. Never allowed to learn. To grow. To become what she could be. To become what she knew she had in her. Cacimira was robbed. And forced to live a life of hard physical labor. -Lack of education will do that. She was married off to a man (Santos) who would be kind to her, and who loved to read, but was also destined for a hard life of labor. They worked in the fields of many different farms. Bringing with them, their children, to work as well. School was a luxury. My grandma loved school. She told me stories of walking in the frozen, icy desert...walking in the dark for hours, so that they could go to school. In the Winter months, there was no agricultural work. So that was her time for education. She and her siblings would each get one hot potato for breakfast, and they'd carry it in their hands or pockets to keep warm on the way to school.
When Grandma was a teenager, her older sisters Nellie, Irene, and Gloria would go to the local dance hall on weekends. Compared to my Grandma, her sisters were glamorous women of the world. They wore makeup, and had shoes with 1" heels on them. -Not the farmer's work-boots my grandma wore. But one night, they took pity on her, and brought her along. Lord knows why!? They made it a game to make fun of Grandma usually. They called her "Piano Legs" because her legs were so long and skinny. She was skinny growing up. And she didn't have a very womanly form. Grandma speculated that perhaps one of her older brothers made them...or maybe it was their parents... for whatever reason, they took her. It was her destiny to be there that night. Because that was the night she met Henry, my grandfather. For him, making friends and being social came easily. He was a charmer. Everybody loved Henry. He spotted my grandma sitting alone at a table, in a back corner of the dance hall. My grandpa was the kind of man who always imparted to me the importance of being inclusive. So it's no surprise to me what came next...he crossed the room to go talk with my grandma. He lured her out of her shyness and asked her to dance. He didn't care that she didn't know how. He'd teach her! The main thing was, he didn't want her to feel alone. That night, he walked her home. It didn't matter to him, that there were at least a dozen other *prettier* girls there that night, all of whom could cut a rug better than grandma. -he liked her. And she liked him back. Theirs is the closest, I've ever seen to a "love at first sight". They spent the rest of their lives together. Very much in love, and dear friends, the whole way through. I hope that one day I will feel that kind of connectedness with my mate.
When Grandma got older, she had struggles with racism, and illness. No matter what came her way though, she was the most determined woman I've ever known. She kept her head high, wrote her goals down, prayed for god to watch over her and her family and friends, and for god to bless her with the right opportunity to change things. Most of the time, her prayers came true. All of the time they were answered.
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