I'm finally emptying my storage units, and delving through all of my family stuff. I spent tonight going through some of my mom's old things. One box in particular had a bunch of old papers. Now I know some people would just trash it immediately...and believe me, I'm tempted to, but it just isn't in my nature to do so. I have to read it and go through it, and make sure that I'm not getting rid of something *important*. Now how I define *important* and how another person defines that term is definitely going to be different. But I'll tell you some of the things that I found tonight, that I don't want to forget (bear in mind, this does *not* mean that I will keep these things forever)...just that I have to figure out how to move through the physical stuff, and be able to keep the happy feelings and memories in my heart and honor them in a very real and tangible way in my daily life. Anyhoo...on to the things I rediscovered tonight:
An old receipt from the Sonoma Mission Inn...my mom, Grandma and I would go there a couple of days before Christmas. It was our tradition, to escape the usual hectic wind-up that everyone else was doing right before the holidays. We would say "If it didn't get done by the 22nd...then it's OK. Now it's time to go and relax and remember that the real treasures in life are ones of the heart...and we're going to spend some time together as a family, and enjoy just being together." And we would. We would take yoga classes, and relax. Go swimming at night in the artesian mineral water pool, breathe in the eucalyptus vapors in the steam room, get massages and order room service. We had so much fun. And after a couple of days of relaxation, we would come home and enjoy Christmas *without* the stress. It was a great tradition. One that I fully intend on reliving with my family.
I also found appointment cards from an expensive hair salon that my mom used to take me to. She always had great hair. It was one of the things that she shared with me. I was lucky to have such a giving and fun mom.
But I think the best thing I found was a notepad of my mom's. She had her basic "to do" list kind of stuff in it. Phone numbers. Appointments. Broken things that she had to fix, and what her monthly budget was. ...but then she also had her thoughts written here and there. Hopes, fears, goals, and even challenges. She was a young woman, much like I am today. It's kind of weird to see your mom as a *person* more than your mom. And I realize how much my mom sacrificed to have me. To raise me, and do right by me. She was not perfect. But she gave it her whole heart and she gave up a lot. So much of me is echoed in that notepad. I see things so much more fully now compared to how I was as a teen. But I remember how I used to believe in my mom, and encourage her...I just have to keep doing that for myself now. I miss you so much mom. I know I'll see you again one day. But tonight, I just want to say thank you, for raising me and loving me. I know it wasn't easy. But I appreciate how hard you worked and how much you loved me and just kept pushing yourself to be a mom but never lose yourself. Thank you for that.
An old receipt from the Sonoma Mission Inn...my mom, Grandma and I would go there a couple of days before Christmas. It was our tradition, to escape the usual hectic wind-up that everyone else was doing right before the holidays. We would say "If it didn't get done by the 22nd...then it's OK. Now it's time to go and relax and remember that the real treasures in life are ones of the heart...and we're going to spend some time together as a family, and enjoy just being together." And we would. We would take yoga classes, and relax. Go swimming at night in the artesian mineral water pool, breathe in the eucalyptus vapors in the steam room, get massages and order room service. We had so much fun. And after a couple of days of relaxation, we would come home and enjoy Christmas *without* the stress. It was a great tradition. One that I fully intend on reliving with my family.
I also found appointment cards from an expensive hair salon that my mom used to take me to. She always had great hair. It was one of the things that she shared with me. I was lucky to have such a giving and fun mom.
But I think the best thing I found was a notepad of my mom's. She had her basic "to do" list kind of stuff in it. Phone numbers. Appointments. Broken things that she had to fix, and what her monthly budget was. ...but then she also had her thoughts written here and there. Hopes, fears, goals, and even challenges. She was a young woman, much like I am today. It's kind of weird to see your mom as a *person* more than your mom. And I realize how much my mom sacrificed to have me. To raise me, and do right by me. She was not perfect. But she gave it her whole heart and she gave up a lot. So much of me is echoed in that notepad. I see things so much more fully now compared to how I was as a teen. But I remember how I used to believe in my mom, and encourage her...I just have to keep doing that for myself now. I miss you so much mom. I know I'll see you again one day. But tonight, I just want to say thank you, for raising me and loving me. I know it wasn't easy. But I appreciate how hard you worked and how much you loved me and just kept pushing yourself to be a mom but never lose yourself. Thank you for that.
